Dead

I have no love interest at the moment, actually i haven't had a crush in a looooong time. I have never actually been in love with another person, well my ex comes pretty close but it more like and intense feeling of like, but then again if i haven't felt love how do i know that those feeling weren't love, i guess if it was indeed love we would still be together, but we are not. In fact i don't want to bad talk her but she's crazy..I'm not kidding, i don't trust her anymore, i don't listen to anything she says to me , i have lost all respect for her, the " so-called" friendship that we have going on isn't even working out, i don't know why we even bother talking to each other. I don't want to think about her , it makes me feel sad, angry, hurt, betrayed, all at the same time ..emotion overload if you ask me , I'm not designed to handle all that emotion at once. I'm not blaming our failed relationship solely on her, i had alot to do with it, it was i afterall who decided to end it, i hurt her so much that i feel so guilty sometimes, but thats just sometimes, time is a healer and i think that we have both gotten over it , but there are times that i truly miss her and those are the times that i would call her up and make some lame excuse that I'm calling just to say hey or one of my better ones is " hey i just missed a call on my phone from a private number was that u?" but then i remind myself that it was my decision to be rid of this relationship. So right now no love life, not even a crush, not even a celebrity crush , nothing i feel dead inside... i find myself watching movies that would evoke emotion in me, just to remind myself that i'm human, but after that i'm back to that hallow feeling ...its scary...