Goodbye

As i walk away remembering all the words you said
I feel as if I'm spinning on my head
the rants and shouts
the way you carry about
I wanna run away, away from you
and all the dreadful things that you do
i have to say and it'll make you mad
but being next to you has made me sad
The things you say and what you do
makes my sadness turn into hate for you
I hate your words, i hate the said
i hate talking to you while i lie in my bed
i hate spending my time, and my voice
You make me angry, mad and sad
and you think that writing this has made me glad
writing my feelings down using this pen
cant change the fact that you are no longer my friend.....

Thoughts

The words that leave my mind and get scribbled onto paper
Is not planned, its not thought through
Its the sad stories that fill my head
Stories of the past or of the future
It just comes to me, unknowing
I'm not a poet, i cant sing
I'm untalented
Yet the words flow
Like water on a rainy day
From the rooftop of my mind
Like showers in the day
It can be sudden and unexpected
Or blown in and last for days
Whatever it is or however it comes
I'm glad that it is here, using me to write its words....

UNMOVING

The days go by and i stand still
Unmoving...
Day turns to night and night to day
and yet i stand here
Waiting.....
I wait for you, you said you'll come
yet I'm here still alone, feeling dumb
Watching....
the rain it falls and the sun it shines
yet i stand here, am i wasting my time?
Thinking....
Will you come, will you stay or would
you continue to be away
Feeling....
A pain that etches itself on my heart
that cuts deeper with each second that we are apart
Wanting...
The calm of your voice, the smoothness of your touch
The smile in your eyes and the laughter i miss so much
Missing...
The whole you, the things you do
I guess I'll continue to stand here
and wait for you.....

BLABBERING

Well I'm back here trying to blog, dunno why its so difficult to find time to put a couple words here but time seems to be speeding up ,well to me at least, I'm tired of life its boring, mundane and complicated all at the same time, i refuse to think about anything- i just pass the days like a ghost not retaining anything to add to my vast collection of non sense, i hate to have discussion with friends and family i get annoyed easily and bored twice as fast, i think its menopause or something :), i was never like this, i have this don't give a damn attitude that just sucks well not for me but for my friends and family cause when they talk to me i don't hide the fact that they are boring the hell out of me with the details of their lives, which i have no int rest in whatsoever cause its all the same stupid problems all the freaking time, why cant anyone understand that we have much larger problems in the world besides they not having a boyfriend or girlfriend...god thousands of animals die each day, people are killed...the earth is dying and no one seems to give a damn about it..i feel like screaming cause its sooo frustrating, for every person who cares there are like 500 people who don't its a losing battle. God why do i feel so freaking crummy its like bordering depression and sadness, do i think too much? do i care too much? i feel lost and confused and the weird part is that its more than usual.....HELP!!

We are connected to nature
Though in this concrete jungle that we roam
We get lost, in the nonliving
Surrounded by stillness we forget
Forgotten where we once were, where we come from
Illusions cover our eyes, blinding us to the living
Essence of life floats across us everyday
Unveil your eyes, and you will see
The nature that surrounds you and me

Sorry

Will be back soon...

Sorry

Will be back posting soon....

Lovers

There was once a maiden, whose lover was lost at sea
their love was so strong that she could not be
to feel his touch, to hear his voice
she really thought she had no choice
a journey she set out upon
although she knew he was gone
so to a cliff she started to walk,
where they used to sit and talk
it was there overlooking the sea
where she knew her lover must be
she sat there and cried,cried cried
time passed her and went slowly by
she just sat there and she cried
she cried for her lover, for his touch
for his voice she missed so much
she cried for the good times that they had
she cried for the memories that made her sad
she cried so hard and so much
the she herself had lost touch
she no longer knew her own name
she no longer cared just the same
she cried for days and for nights
no one but the sea heard her plight
so she stood up and took a leap
and soon she was in the deep
her lover was there by her side
and she realized that life was worthwhile
but no longer could she feel or touch
or kiss the man she loved so much
instead they laughed and ran and play
in the sea where they lay
today i heard them singing their song
i hummed along all day long.
i felt their happiness and their pain
and i knew in my heart i was to suffer the same
but will i sit there and cry myself utterly away
or will i live to see another day.

Long time i ain't post here, been busy with work....but now i got some free time...lemme see updates.... nothing to report,work is the usual exciting at times, stressful at times but i try to enjoy it no matter what and after all i spend the majority of the day here so might as well enjoy it.

NO FCUKING WAY

I heard today on the radio that the lead singer of the CRANBERRIES is coming to Trinidad to give a concert, all i could say is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, god has answered one of my many prayers, i love this lady, i have her solo album and it runs in my cd player all the time , now just for garbage, the corrs, and shakira to come down and i could die happy. I'm going i don't care if the ticket cost is like $500.00 i'm going this is my dream come true!!!!!!

Dead

I have no love interest at the moment, actually i haven't had a crush in a looooong time. I have never actually been in love with another person, well my ex comes pretty close but it more like and intense feeling of like, but then again if i haven't felt love how do i know that those feeling weren't love, i guess if it was indeed love we would still be together, but we are not. In fact i don't want to bad talk her but she's crazy..I'm not kidding, i don't trust her anymore, i don't listen to anything she says to me , i have lost all respect for her, the " so-called" friendship that we have going on isn't even working out, i don't know why we even bother talking to each other. I don't want to think about her , it makes me feel sad, angry, hurt, betrayed, all at the same time ..emotion overload if you ask me , I'm not designed to handle all that emotion at once. I'm not blaming our failed relationship solely on her, i had alot to do with it, it was i afterall who decided to end it, i hurt her so much that i feel so guilty sometimes, but thats just sometimes, time is a healer and i think that we have both gotten over it , but there are times that i truly miss her and those are the times that i would call her up and make some lame excuse that I'm calling just to say hey or one of my better ones is " hey i just missed a call on my phone from a private number was that u?" but then i remind myself that it was my decision to be rid of this relationship. So right now no love life, not even a crush, not even a celebrity crush , nothing i feel dead inside... i find myself watching movies that would evoke emotion in me, just to remind myself that i'm human, but after that i'm back to that hallow feeling ...its scary...

New Outlook on life

I got up today thinking to myself that there has got to be more to life than this usual routine of work, home etc, what can i do to make my life a little more interesting to make each day different from the previous? Well then the answer came to me .. i should live each day like it was my last, therefore i should let the ones i love know that i love them, be more friendly and kind, talk to my friends more, and most importantly take some freaking risk and chances ..mmmm sounds like a plan to me. Sometimes i feel as if I'm stuck in a rut , like in a pool of stagnant water and i don't like feeling that way, i hate it actually. I like being free like the wind.

Justify

I'm not a poet
I'm not one who can put pen to paper and come up with something brilliant
i write whats on my mind
i write how i feel at the moment
i don't think
i just write
is that wrong?

Tuesday

I got up 5.45 am this morning did some exercise I'm proud of myself I'm not a morning person i love to sleep, so for me to get up and do some push ups , thumbs up for me. Now next on my list is to stop eating so much, i eat alot, when I'm not eating I'm thinking about food, and when I'm not thinking of food, I'm watching the food network..lol.. hey i love food but i definitely have to cut down. So far the work day is busy as usual but I'm liking it when its this busy the day flies and i love when a week day flies, it brings me closer to the weekend.

Auggghh

Monday work as usual, busy as hell with Patrice gone, her workload is split between me and my co worker Lisa so its hectic, i just wish her paycheck was split up also.lol..maybe it will be one day before the year is over. I decided that I'm getting too fat, well in my terms fat is not having a flat stomach, cause I'm a pretty skinny dude, but it weird how people perceive you cause Saturday when i went chaguans i met one of my friends i haven't seen in a long time and she said i look hott, i lost weight, then i went into catwalk and my friend there asked me if i'm eating too much i getting chubby... i was like huh? one says I'm skinny, another says I'm fat, o well potatoe, potaaatoe.

Sunday

Sunday was a happy one, did nothing , well almost nothing i did clean my room a bit but most of the day was spent daydreaming, and hoping for the rain to fall but no rain, i fell asleep on my floor hugging my pillow for some reason when I'm really tired i find the floor so much more comfortable than my bed, maybe i was a dog in my last life.

Weekend

Saturday was great , went for a haircut i have a semi mohawk now, it cool but then again when am i not cool..lol.. well i went chaguanas and did a run for my life before the rain comes down and traps me in central kinda shopping spree, i needed to get some jeans, t shirts and sneakers, i left there just in time before the heavens broke about 2 pm, i have such good timing. I come home thinking that it'll be pouring here so i could curl up on my bed pop some corn and watch a movie but alas the sun was blistering here, its so weird i live in such a small country and we could have such opposite weather in two places that are in close proximity to each other, those plans were shot to hell when i was rudely informed by my mom that i have my chores to do, reluctantly i did them plus doing my laundry by the time i finish it was 5 o clock, i was tired so i showered and finally then rains came i lay down on my bed and was lulled off by the pitter patter of rain drops on my roof.

Low Voltage

So once again our building is experiencing electricity problems, this time low voltage so i was sent home early, not that I'm complaining or anything, i wanted to go get a haircut..but then remembered how it turned out the last time i was so spontaneous ( the mohawk still living) so i went straight home and looked at television, shark week on discovery channel . I like sharks, was always fascinated by them the way they can hunt and are constantly evolving. i just hope that they could survive the wrath of man and not become an extinct species like so many others. it really makes you stop and think that we are our own worst enemies that pretty soon we as a human race will self destruct then the evolution process will begin all over again, i hope then next species of intelligent life isn't as destructive, greedy and self absorbed as we are and I'm speaking generally here.

I told you that our offices was being overrun by iguanas, this guy came in, i dunno how he maybe its a her well it climbed up the bookshelf sat down, no make that sprawl out and just observed everyone not observing him until the boss finally saw him, he was caught( not by me) and set free outside, at the back of my mind i just know he'll come back and this time he might bring friends.

Holiday

Ahh the sweet smell of a holiday...or is that the stink stench of an holiday gone by. Well yesterday was emancipation it was a good one, my nanny birthday is on that day so it is tradition that all the family converge at her house and celebrate and this year wasn't any different it was a great fiesta, cake ( i ate my belly full ) ice cream ( i ate my belly full) and curry duck ( i ate my belly full..yes I'm a cow i have four stomachs..lol) my granny turned 74 but doesn't look or act like a day over 65 at times its was emotional for her to see the whole family together, i guess at one point or the other it ran across everyone's mind that we don't know if she would or anyone of us for that matter would live to see another birthday so we all enjoyed it ... but weird things happened to me before i went there like the kitchen bulb exploding jus so.. i was making mac and cheese then bam the flicking bulb blow up , it was scary, then it had like this huge thunderstorm with lots of thunder and lighting..mmm maybe thats what cause the bulb to explode who knows , but all in all the the emancipation holiday was an awesome one.

HOORAY

the rain is falling, there is thunder and lighting ..HOORAY its been so long since i experienced a thunderstorm, its so relaxing and puts me in such a happy mood that i could just dance. A matter of fact i think i will * awkwardly sways arms around*

SAD DAY

Today is a sad day well of course my cousin are gone, then one of my co-workers is resigning today, sad case she wicked kool and always helpful but you know people move on and i wish her all the luck in the world on her new endeavors

HOLIDAYS

Ahh it been awhile since i last posted cause i have been so freaking busy, with work and family from the states here there is no time to do anything else but work then go home and have some fun. For the past couple days i have done nothing but go to the beach or river, I'm not complaining cause it was awesome but it all ends today cause they are all going back, I'm sad .... I'll miss them , but then i could look forward to next year when they will be here once again. I did so many things over the past week its had to recall its all seems to be a blur of water, movies, running and stuff nothing major happened to me .. injuries just a couple bruises and scrapes, nothing broken. I went to the beach Saturday and while splashing around in the water all these fishes came swimming past me, real small sardines, i was like Whoa where d hell that come from they were all jumping all over me, then my cuz rushed over, i took off my t shirt and made a net like thing with it we caught like 6 but they escaped cause i forgot the tee has an arm hole so the water flowed through there and the fish with it..lol.. it was so funny , but a couple mins later we realized why the fish was acting crazy like, because there was a barracuda close by i guess he was hungry, luckily we didn't bounce him up . Well by now my cousins probably are in the airport checking in i hope they have a great safe flight. Well thats all for now till later.

Hooray Afternoon

The holidays are great even though I'm not on holidays ( i go to work each day) but when Joe and Dianne come to Trinidad to spend some time its like holidays for the whole family. Yesterday i went to the beach at about 4.30 in the afternoon, as soon as i got home from work i was pulled into the bus and taken away to Macrepe Beach, I'm not a big fan of the beach..too much salt in the water, too much sun and way too much sand... the things that make the beach the beach, but yesterday was so much different , with the sun going down the water was clear and warm...it was heaven *sigh* i had soo much fun even though we spent about 2 hours there it was great, after a hard days work to go and get a nice salt soak, to see the sun setting over the horizon, so relaxing ...nice...lol... I wonder what they have planned for today.

Scotia Banks Blows

Today i went to the San Juan Branch and the tellers are so freaking slow, they are always slow whether there are 5 people or a million the stupid tellers just wont pick up the pace a bit and worse yet its like two of them close their windows and went for lunch, it wasn't even 12.00 yet, it just goes to show that the bank thinks we need them more than they need us. I hate it. Why don't i switch banks you ask, cause from what i have heard the others are just as bad even worse, especially Royal however Republic tellers move swift but say what after waiting for what seemed to be a billion years, i finally dusted the cobwebs that settled on my t-shirt and did my transaction, thank god i only need to go to the bank once per month..Amen.. the next thing that totally pissed me off was the teller that was dealing with me she was a sickening fake friendly, i dunno if you have ever encountered a person like that, maybe at the store or KFC or something, you know the person is speaking to you in the most pleasant voice smiling and all that but it comes off so fake that it makes you irritated yeah i encountered one of that today, i held my cool did my stuff and was out till next month suckers....did i mention Scotia Bank San Juan SUCKS!!!!!!

AWESOME WEEKEND

This weekend was an incredible one, Friday started off with sooo much anticipation that i could have just screamed, i think i actually did, waiting on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, finally i got my hands on the book and read it for 15hours straight i didn't eat i didn't sleep, i was however distracted by my lil cousins wanting to play but i finished it on Saturday and i have to say that i couldn't be happier in fact i'm estactic just thinking about it but i'll leave that to a separate post cause i so much to freaking say about that, anyways on Saturday was my cuz Joe birthday who came from the US so it was party time, we planned a surprise party for him but somehow he found out and well it wasn't a surprise anymore but we had fun none the less, the preparation before the party was time consuming but still riding on my Harry Potter high i didn't complain, we spent most of the daylight hours putting up decorations and cooking (i didn't help with the cooking) at the end the house looked hott.lol. then it was party time, we had about 50 people over not including the family. It was so much fun!!! we had Tassa, a dj and everything, we partied till about 3 in the morning , then we went river on Sunday. That day wasn't my luckiest seeing that i got hit with a ball on my head not once, or twice but three times, then i ran head first into my cousin Ross, then he kicked me at the back of my head, then to top it all off i got an elbow underwater to my eye compliments of my other cuz Brandon, my left eye turned blue, and was swollen, its still bluish black but no longer swollen, thankfully. But other than that it was awesome, swimming, flipping, diving, going swimming races, then playing water bending ( its a game we made up, basically its us splashing each other in the face with water until on of us gives up) then it was time to go home.OMG i forgot that i was sick on that day with an upset stomach but it didn't matter cause i had fun plus bush was all around, just in case i had to go. Got home got even more ill, maybe because i exerted myself so much, fell asleep in pain woke up queasy but still went to work, today Tuesday i still feel slightly sick i think its finally time i take something for it....o didn't i tell u i hate taking medication so i prefer for my bodies natural defenses to take it course so i only resort to medicine when absolutely necessary or when i'm in unbearable pain.

Dancing

I dance cause I'm free
I'm free because I'm strong
I'm strong because I think
I think because I hope
I hope because I care
I care because I'm Human
I'm human because I Love
I love because I am
I am because I Live
I live because I breathe
I breathe because I'm Calm
I'm Calm because I Sway
I Sway because I Dance

Rainy Thursday

God its rainy today...YESSSS!!!! I hope it stays so whole day, its nice and cool and the rhythm of the rain against the roof is soo soothing. The road is flooded though and it isn't even pouring, i guess its all the garbage that clogged up the drains, then people will go blaming everyone but themselves when in fact its our own doing. Anyways i don't want to get myself down by thinking of that, i have another blog that i can vent about that on..lol. But its raining so i'm in a good mood

Awesome Wednesday

Yesterday was an awesome Wednesday, I usually don't like Wednesday cause the radio station that i listen to 95.1 came up with the "great" idea of playing only songs from the 80's, i have nothing against the eighties but comon a whole freakin day!!! So on that day I'm constantly switching radio stations so its a menace, anyways yesterday i got my Digicam and god its awesome!!!!! I love it, the display screen is huge and its so thin and elegant, can't wait to start taking shots. Plus yesterday brings us one day closer to Harry Potter 7 and i can't wait to get my hands on it and start reading. YAY for Wednesday..well this one at least.

Tuesday

Today I'm super excited and anxious, my cousins from the US are coming over and they are suppose to bring a digital camera for me and i cant wait, you may think that this is my first digicam but it is not i had a KODAK Z730 and o how i love that camera, i took it almost everywhere with me, and couldn't stop taking shots, but then i did something so incredibly stupid that i was beginning to think that I'm retarded, i took an Ac adapter and stuck it into the Dc sloth...soooooo stupid and that was the end of my camera and would you believe that i did that a day before my sis wedding so there was chaos in my in my mind cause i wanted to remember everything, so i held a frantic search to get a camera borrowed and luckily my sis had a friend who had a friend, whose boss was kind enough to lend us one ...yeah i know..lol.. but i still tried to fix my camera and so went on another quest to find someone to fix it and boy was that difficult , it's like all over selling it but no where fixes it, finally i found a guy in Long Circular mall who said he'll look at it, unfortunately it cant be fixed and i haven't gone to collect it yet, but i will cause i wanna keep it for sentimental reasons, it did cost alot of money, but the pics it took , i think it paid for itself, so now i'm expecting to get a CANON POWERSHOT SD750, which is suppose to be ultra compact, don't worry i wont do anything dumb, i think i will take extra good care of this one, like my life depended on it.

Rain

How i wish it would rain, its been so long since it felt those tiny drops against my skin.
Its like every time the clouds gather above the wind sweeps its away, like its mocking me
I cant remember the last time i had a whole day of rain, rain makes me happy. Its so wet and cold ..lol..duh. its fun, it puts me in a serious mood for relaxation. How i wish it would rain.....BTW this isnt a poem.

My Encounter

Today i was in work having a sip of water at the water cooler just staring aimlessly into space when my eyes caught sight of something that looked like a piece of electrical cord protruding from behind our inside gate, i really didn't pay it much mind at first cause we recently had electrical work done to our building and i thought that it was just faulty work of the electrician but how i was wrong cause a few seconds after this "cord" started to twitch, moving like a cats tails when it has its prey in sight, at once my imagination got hold of me and i was transported back to my first week o f work, i was sitting in my office when all of a sudden the celing tiles were pulled up into the ceiling, it was freaky just as sudden as it happen the tiles were lowered back into place, i convinced myself that it was my imagination, but the next day the same thing happened only it wasn't all the tiles just a couple here and there it looked as if someone was pulling them back and looking down on me, so i was pretty freaked out , then as abrupt as it happened the tiles fell back into place. When i went home i came up with this theory that there were gremlins living in our roof and that they were waiting to get me alone to strike, luckily i share the office with my co worker ( i have such an imagination) so the next day it happened again finally i looked over to my co worker who didn't seem to notice, finally i was like " dude is it just me or is this roof really freaky?" he started to laugh and said i was wondering when you were going to say something, apparently whenever there is gusty winds outside somehow it finds it way inside and has that effect on out roof, so there was my gremlins theory shot to hell,but this morning it all came rushing back seeing this cord twitching, i stepped back with my eyes on it ... swirling around me were thoughts of what it could be, so being so curious i stepped closer, cup in hand (with my water) so it became clear that it was no cord but a tail that was attached to a HUGE iguana, i was shocked ( once again my gremlins theory shot to hell) how did that get in here, and boy was he acting nervous. it looked scary all green/brown eyes locked onto mine i was scared to move for it was above me any sudden movements and it could jump on me and kill me ( well not kill but scare the hell out of me) i inched my way slowly back and it just stared tail twitching, i kept moving backwards, cautiously finally i was a good distance away , the iguan still there up to this point i haven't told anyone i have seen it cause they may want me to get rid of it , which I'm not up for especially taking into consideration that when i was younger an iguana whipped me across the face with its tail so yes i fraid d damn thing. So its there and I'm here just the way i like it, but somehow in the back of my mind i know its gonna find its way in to here and then we'll have to battle. OK I WAS RIGHT THE FLIPPING THING SEND HIS FRIEND HERE A HUGE GARDEN LIZARD RUNNING AROUND IN THE OFFICE , BUT I GOT COURAGE ( ATE MY SPINACH) AND CHASED IT OUTSIDE , btw i really did eat spinach i bring bahagi for lunch.

Embarrass

Okay i have had alot of Embarrassing things happen to me , so i decided to list them so i could remember them and compare which one was more embarrassing so th most recent one is..... The Office Administrator was speaking to me concerning some work so there i go sipping on my water when all of a sudden i feel a tickle in my throat and boom there i go spewing water all over my desk and on the floor, i couldn't help myself it just happened like the water went down the wrong tube, i looked up and there was the O.A looking at me like i going crazy, she did ask if i was ok, and if she could get me some water...ummm in case you didn't notice water is the problem here. It was embarrassing but now its funny.

MoHawk

So once again my work building has no electricity, T and TEC was supposed to re connect us yesterday afternoon but true Trini fashion rains they didn't come, so we called and they said that they will be here by 8.30 am... we were sent home at 12.00pm ( they hadn't arrive yet) I'm not complain another day to go home and relax, the half day of work was tuff, first it was sooo freaking hot i was beginning to think that our building was next to the sun, then all the manual work i had to do... you know writing up all those bills ( i lazy eh..lol) plus my phone went dead so i couldn't charge it, i would have freaked out like people usually do when they realize that they left their phones home or it went dead on them, but i didn't cause i had my digicel which was at full charge, plus I'm not a phone freak, if its on me YAY, if not so what...anyway i was headed home and decided to get a haircut, on impulse i went, so sitting on the chair the lady ( my hairdresser..wow that sounds so gay..lol) asked if i wanted the usually i said yes at first but then quickly change my mind, i then proceed to to explain what i thought would be a kool hairstyle, but it was not ...i got a Mohawk, yes you read right a Mohawk, it looks kool but i miss all my spikes so as soon as this grows out i will be back on planet spike, hopefully i wont have to face any of my friends until then cause i could already hear them laughing.

Stupid

Today I'm feeling stupid, like I'm missing my brain or something. Its weird cause usually i don't feel stupid i just feel dumb and i attribute that to all the going ons in my life. Have you ever felt like the whole world is spinning like some sort of creepy merry go round around you but the thing is you're not on any of the horses you're in the center completely still, so people looking in on you would think that you are on the ride but actually you are not ....yea i feeling like that today. I hope i get out of this stupid phase and get a grip on myself..I'm so busy these days with work, school and trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my life.

Crazy

O gawd i bawling today electricity was disconnected form our offices something to do with T and TEC having to change a line. This time of year is the busiest for the company i work for since we deal with books so we had alot to do today and it suddenly became very clear to me that the saying "you don't miss the water until the well runs dry" holds so very true, every task i had to do was manual, invoices, proformas , price checking all of it manual....it was horrible i didn't realize before how much we depend on electricity and computer to accomplish our daily tasks. It was chaos in my office literally people we starting to look like little blind mice walking around, trying to check goods and prices...it was kind of funny actually ..me included...when the phone went dead that was probably the worst part cause now if i had to communicate with the departments upstairs for whatever reason i had to run up the stairs, it really made me appreciate electricity. But finally we were sent home by our kind boss..lol.. a whole hour and half early which was great i came home and turned on the Tv only to hear about a severe weather warning ..i was like HUH? apparently everyone knew except me cause i came online and a couple of my online buddies told me, so severe weather warnings was issused and as customary of us Trinis we panicked , there was traffic in the roads like is some sort of hurricane approaching , places closing early, people filling up on gas , way over reaction if you ask me it was only the ITCZ passing over us and so far as i sit here and write this no rain or wind has begun to affect my area as the news bulletin said it would, all there is, is a cloudy sky . But who knows what will happen later or in the morning, that brings me to another point I love the rain but it pisses me off when all through the night no rain but as soon as the alarm goes off the rain begins to pour , so now i have to get up off my warm comfy bed and go out into the cold world..(my house) and then to work so i gots no time to enjoy the rain ..which for me means sleeping while it pours outside.

Weekend

Another weekend has passed me and i got to say that this one wasn't as a bored as previous. It was great actually after the usual chores, i took some time for myself something i love to do. I stuck in a movie into my pc pulled up the bed and had a nice relaxing afternoon. I also got some reading accomplished, i'm currently reading a book called "lion boy" , about a boy who has the ability to speak cat, his parents are kidnapped and he has to find them but he only help he's getting is from cats, somehow he ends up on a circus ship and well its a pleasant read so far. The writing is not very descriptive the author leaves much to be desired, somehow the book doesn't entrapped me or sweep me away to another world as quickly as other books i read but the more i read the more it becomes clearer to me that the author wants you to use your own imagination and fill in the blanks so you're sort of the co author or something like that.lol. Mark this weekend as a productive relaxing one.

Silence

Silence is when i don't hear you laugh
Silence is when i don't hear you sigh
Silence is when i cant hear you whisper i love you
Thats silence
A million sounds engulf me, echoing through my ears
but if i don't hear your voice
its nothing but silence
A thousand melodies swirl around me, like smoke from a flame
trapping me like a cocoon
But if i don't hear your voice its silence
Silence around me, silence within me beating within my cells
you are no longer here so i take this silence and push it with in me
drowning it
Only to realize that i have drowned within it
with in this silence.

Happy Home

"Happy Home"

In my happy home I barely breathe
In my lovers arms I find relief
And there's a sky that's changing and a bird that sings
I never once in my wayward life was heading to run out

In my lovers arms I wait for morning
I beg my god to speak and tear me apart
I'd lay down my body I'd lay down my arms
I never once in my sweet short life meant anybody harm

In my happy home i read the signs
In my lovers arms I move in time
There's no more crying and there's no more lies
I never once in my sweet short life was waiting for desire

And there's no more crying
And there's no more pain
I never thought for one second I'd have nothing left but shame

In my happy home I barely breathe
I never once in my wayward life was heading to run out

I love this song and I'm obsessed with this band, its one of my favorites. Her voice , the guitars, the drums , everything, and the lyrics...wow its just blows me away. I have all their albums and can spin it days on end in my player, i just don't seem to get fed up. This song speaks to me, it stirs up an emotion that i just can't seem to describe. It wicked kool.

Questions

Why do i feel sad, is it because my heart has been broken and can't fit back together?
Is it because i loved and lost?
Why do tears fill my eyes?
is it because i can still hear your voice in my ear?
or is it because i can still feel the warmth of your body next to mines or maybe , just maybe i can still feel your lips aganist mines?
How did we grow apart?
why didnt we see.... but its too late now..
All i'm left with now are questions

Real 911 Calls, "BELIEVE" it or not!!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a
bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is
nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the
Police.

Thoughts

Have you ever had to pee so bad that when you started you didn't finish until like 5 mins after, and wonder how on earth all that liquid was in me?? .... Yeah that happened to me today..lol

Busy Day

OMG this day was busy as hell, phone ringing, faxes coming through, like a million emailed inquires, sometimes i feel like just screaming and running out of here...but then reality hits me, first off if i scream no one will hear me cause i'm alone in this office, then if i do decide to run away where will i go and for how long could i go there , i'll have to get back home before night fall because i'll probably be hungry, so thats the end of that thought..lol..

I'm glad that today was busy that way the time flew and before i knew it, it was almost time to go home and relax for a bit.

Weekend

So this weekend was a major bore, i don't get bored easily cause i always have some stupid thought or fantasy running through my head, either of me getting up one day to realize that I'm a mutant who can alter the weather at will, or me meeting one of my great great great great great grandkid from the future coming here to meet me to warn me that I'm suppose to put in gears some major event that would alter time and the govt has sent back some robotic warrior to kill me only to realize that the robotic warrior has already infiltrate my life and acting as one of my friends... yeah i know not original ideas but at least it can get me away from reality for a while, but this weekend i did absolutely nothing besides if your counting washing and cleaning my room things to do, but other than that nothing, not even a movie or cartoons or anything. I'm beginning to think that I'm getting lazy ... ha as if that is a possibility ... i cant sit still for more than a couple minutes, and after that I'm running about with my lil bro or harassing any one of my sisters. Usually on the weekend i would go somewhere or spend it with my girlfriend (ex) so i guess not having her in my life i have to remember what i used to do before i met her, we were together for like a year so it'll take some readjusting hopefully i can get back into gears before the next weekend hits .

DROWNING IN YOU

Drunk on your smile, I feel lost
The way you eyes sparkle in the dark like broken glass on a sandy beach
i love your smell, it swirls around me rolling over me like the tide, filling my lungs
I'm drowning in you
i close my eyes and fall asleep, engulfed in your arms, breathing you with each gasp of air
Loving every minute that I'm there drowning in you

CONFUSED

People tend to confuse me, as each day passes more and more. Its either I'm getting stupid or people are getting dumber as each day passes... i pray to god that its the latter.

So my ex girlfriend and i are on speaking terms now, at first when we broke up communication between us was nil but now its been like a month now and we chat online but thats about it. I'm glad that she's moving on with her life and i with mines. Speaking of life that big problem i had well its still there, its not solved either but it makes no sense of me to stop my entire life just to deal with that problem. So as the days move along hopefully that big problem will gradually shrink in size and become smaller and smaller until finally one day poof it'll disappear ( be solved).

Another thing is last night i was chatting to one my friends online ( a girl) when out of the blue she asked me if i still like her the way a bf would like a gf.... wait i jumped the gun there huh..lol well this girl is the one that got away, i really liked her but screwed up my chances with her out on our "first date" , i was so nervous that i hardly spoke or did anything actually , i was just there, i know i so totally sucked, her beauty, her smile just being around her made butterflies swarm in my stomach.... then at the end of the date she text me and said she doesnt like em anymore...bummer... but who could blame her, looking back on it i wouldn't like me either..lol...but alas its in the past what's done is done, we are still friends and i still care for her alot but more on a friend level ( only because she has a bf now, if she didn't hmm i would probably be secretly in love, but I'm not a relationship wrecker) and shes a great friend so i don't know where on earth that question came from, its not like i flirting with her or anything i was just chatting normal stuff u know . More on this story pending further investigations

Sadness

Sadness beats within me, filling my soul with tears

Pretty soon I’ll drown

Drowning within myself, lost to those around me

Lost to myself

I swim beating against the hurt, against the betrayal

I can’t reach the surface

Slowly I sink down into the clear water of my tears

Silently I scream, no sound escapes.

I’m trapped.

A hollow heart

I feel dead inside like the light within me has been extinguished, i don't have the will that i once carried, the care within my soul is gone, friends? don't need them, family? don't want them, lover? don't have them.

I feel alone, alone and angry.No one to turn to, no where to hide, just lost in a fog that i can't find my way through.

I once was a happy boy, full of life, full of energy, full of hope, but then something happened, something i know not of, but it happened and it sucked all my life out of me, now I'm just a shell of my former self. Walking alone in this world , i feel sick inside, feel like screaming , screaming i hear all the time , i close my eyes and begin to cry is it tears of sadness?, tears of anger? tears of joy.....?

My Excuse

I haven't been posting as i would have liked because some serious messed up crap has been happening in my life...serious...much more serious than i could have ever imagined or think i can handle alone but i'm getting there, trying to sort this damn mess out.

New One

I haven't been posting as i would have liked because some serious messed up crap has been happening in my life...serious...much more serious than i could have ever imagined or think i can handle alone but I'm getting there, trying to sort this damn mess out.

Stand Still, Look Pretty

I recently came across this CD while browsing in my local music shop, and wow is all i could say, this is definitely a gem. Although not well known the wreckers are a band compromised of Michelle Branch and her longtime friend and backing vocalist Jessica Harp, Michelle's pop rock sound is sort of second key in this album, the music is a cross between country, pop and some classical styles.. its unique to say the least. I personally think that its has achieved what most bands these days pay little attention to and thats lyrical content, the songs are Happy, Sad, Joyful and even makes you remember someone (if you loved and lost of course) in your past, i don't see why this album wasn't bigger in sales. It appeals to the mellow side of people. I love each song and currently have it spinning on my CD player after a couple listens the words are easy to learn. Listed below are the tracks

1. "Leave the Pieces" (Billy Austin, Jennifer Hanson) – 3:31
2. "Way Back Home" (Michelle Branch, Jessica Harp) – 3:18
3. "The Good Kind" (Branch, Harp) – 3:45
4. "Tennessee" (Harp) – 4:21
5. "My, Oh My" (Branch, Harp, Wayne Kirkpatrick, Josh Leo) – 3:30
6. "Stand Still, Look Pretty" (Branch, Harp) – 2:46
7. "Cigarettes" (Harp) – 3:18
8. "Hard to Love You" (Branch, John Leventhal) – 3:52
9. "Lay Me Down" (Branch, Harp, Greg Wells) – 3:35
10. "One More Girl" (Patty Griffin) – 5:18
11. "Rain" (Branch) – 4:05
12. "Crazy People" (Branch, Harp) – 3:09
13. "Leave the Pieces" (pop edit) ¹
14. "Tennessee" (live) ²

You can read more about the band and even listen to the album before purchasing it here

Girlfriend

Okay so my life is at a turning point right now, i just broke up with my girlfriend and boy was that tuff, she meant everything to me, but how do you balance work, school, family life, and personal time with a girl that becomes more demanding as each day passes, i think the main reason i broke up with her is the constant fights we get into over the smallest things, like if i forgot to say "i love you" at the end of a 2 min conversation she flips out, then one word leads to another and its a full out screamfest, i cared for her more than i ever told her, but I'm glad that i didn't cause it'll just hurt even more knowing that i let my guard down and let this girl know everything, I'm a ..what would you call it... a cautious lover, i always wish her well even when we are fighting but its over for good now, cause the fighting has become too much to handle...BTW she can scream way louder than me so i always lose.

Silence

A Sadness has taken over me like a second skin it envelopes me.
Closing tightly around my body.
A veil falls over my eyes, blocking out light.
Only shadows are allowed to be seen, like silent gollems they walk before me, doing the bidding of their puppet masters.
I scream but my voice is silent, i breathe.
Slowly suffocating, this sadness brings me to my knees, i scream once again but like a firefly in the night i can only bee sen, i'm silent.
i close my eyes and accept my fate.

Slippery Rocks

The title of my blog reflects my life, I can fall at any time if i don't watch my footing and where i step.

Paths of Desire



I have traveled the paths of desire
gathering flowers and carrying fire
Raising a grave to the reasons behind me
Looking for strength as you live to remind me
I'm drawn to you
I'm caught in you
I am the fly who dreams of the spider
The path to the web becomes deeper and wider
I dream of the silk that is tangled inside you
And know that I want to be somewhere beside you
I'm drawn to you
I'm caught in you
In your eyes
All of the promises
All the lies
Will you keep all the promises
In your eyes
I am crossing the bridges of sorrow
Empty with yearning and full of tomorrow
The river is high and the bridges are burning
I know I've been hurt but I keep on returning
I'm drawn to you
I'm caught in you
In your eyes
All of the promises
All the lies
Will you keep all of the promises
In your eyes
I have traveled the paths of desire
following smoke and remembering fire
The night is falling, the path is receding
I don't need to see it to know where it's leading
In your eyes
All of the promises
All the lies
Will you keep all of the promises
In your eyes

I have always loved this band and this song especially, it reminds me of who I am, of the relationships in my life , one in particular- no matter how much that person hurt me i would just go back cause i was blindly in love but that part of my life is over because after all the promises and all the lies, and all the tears, in the end i was just slowly killing myself. So i saved me from myself and got out of that relationship even though it stills hurts, its better to have a little pain in my heart for awhile than to be hurting all the time.