One Month

The night before i sat on my bed, tears welled up in my eyes , looking up at my tin roof i let out the longest sigh i ever had, then i talked to god....for what seemed to be an eternity , i spoke to him, at the end of the conversation....i knew what was going to happen.

5.45am my alarm went off, groggily i crawled towards it at the end of my bed, hit the snooze button and was lulled back to sleep by the hum of the nearby fan...then it happen...the most blood curdling, lung tightening , paralysing scream i ever heard...my eyes snapped opened before i knew what was occurring , my body lunged out of the bed and i was running towards my aunts house ( which is like 3 feet away) tears streaming down my face, blinding me...at the front door...it was locked, i ran to the back, it was locked, i could and can still hear the sorrowful screams of my sisters..they were already in there, i banged on the door, louder, harder, finally my brother calmly walked out, opened it and said to me..." Aunt Carol just called Uncle passed on".... dropping to my knees i cried, i cried for what seemed an eternity, i walked into the bedroom, my aunt was there, she saw me and stared to cry , fainting in the process, everyone was crying...the house was full of chaos...the neighbours came, and calls were made, i made one to my cousins in Arima....as soon as he picked up the phone and heard my voice he started to cry , i didn't even say a word...i managed to utter it , in disbelief...Uncled died...I texted my co worker to inform my GM... the rest of the day is a blur....i was in shock....as family streamed in more tears was shed , i was no exception..as much as i hated to do it, i openly cried...at some points screaming...i never in my entire being felt a pain so utterly inconsolable....a mixture of emotional and physical pain...

Everyone in the household seemed to be inconsolable, my uncle was dear to all of us...i called the one person i thought i would have found comfort in..my gf...but she said some things that made me feel worse...i guess its because she was inexperienced with giving comfort, at least that's what i told myself...my emotions were now tainted with anger towards her, but it quickly subsided being replaced with the growing feeling of emptiness...My room was now my place of solace, sitting there i composed my self mentally to be strong ....it worked for the rest of the day , that is until my cousin Brandon walked into the yard, one look at him and we were both goners, crying into each others arms, saying we cant believe it. My aunt Carol who is a nurse, came over she also shed some tears, she told us of uncle's last moment...with his last breath he called out for my Aunt... can a love that strong ever be broken? They were together for 28 years , childhood sweethearts...unable to have kids they treated my siblings and I as their own and we in turn showed them the same love and respect we had for our parents ...sometimes more.... equally they showed the same love and affection to my cousin's Brandon, Bryan and Ryan.....we were one big brother- sister family, none of us were blood related, since Brandon and his siblings are from my aunts side and we are blood relation to my uncle, but we loved each other as brothers and treated each other as such....the days that followed were filled with reminiscing the good times..laughing, crying, staring in disbelief at the wall...it was a roller coaster....we waited for family from abroad to fly down and when they came, the day of the funeral finally arrived, nothing could have prepared me for what i was about to experience.

Being a Hindu, there is alot of rituals involved with cremating the dead, i was chosen to lead a contingent of 5 related males to perform the last rights of my uncle. I was proud to do so. The day of the funeral came, i knew i had to keep everyone calm...so i whispered to Brandon to be strong for uncle this is the last thing we get to do for him and we should do it properly, he agreed...as soon as the hearse arrived...and i walked towards it to get the body out...i was crying, silently..i looked towards the others and saw that they also were shedding tears....the funeral was a difficult one, at times i couldn't control my sobbing, i was the first to kiss my uncle on his forehead, i can still the cold against my lips, he looked like he was sleeping...everyone said their goodbyes, no matter how difficult it was, my sister didn't want to let go, my aunt was in and out of it, seemingly on a never ending fainting streak, i think , i know....it was most horrible for her, i cant imagine the pain she must be feeling to lose the love of her life. At the banks of caroni, i did all the rituals and rites and then the action that i was trying to prepared myself for, lighting the body on fire ....before i did it, i whispered i love u and i will make u proud, with that i took the firesitck and lit the camphor on his lips, turned towards the crowd and walked straight into my sister arms, watching the pyre blaze i felt less sorrow and more happiness, at that point i knew my uncle was here with us, and that he had moved on to a better place. It still hurts today, i miss him everyday, and will always be thankful for the things he did for us, and what he taught me. I didn't know when i would have written this, but it just so happens that today the day i felt like writing about it, is the one month anniversary. I left out many aspects of the entire ordeal, i don't want to remember every single detail...i can say however that i have some great friends, who called and texted me on a daily basis, especially Devon, that guy was there from the beginning to the end of , he knew exactly what i was feeling as he had lost his dad the previous year, my gf ...i love her , it was a difficult time for her as well....it seemed that everything she said got me upset, i think i was just too sensitive, she sort of kept away until everything passed...my ex also showed up, to my surprise...i have no hard feelings towards her, she came out of respect and to offer her condolences. I surrounded myself with family, remarkably the things that are outstanding in my mind, is the laughter we all shared for the wake and the Ramayana that followed...Many good things came out of my Uncle's death one of the major things is, i have learned to appreciate life and let go of bad emotions, to just enjoy each day we have here....

Goodbye uncle you will be missed and never forgotten... the wisdom you shared, your kind deeds, your unwavering love will all be remembered.