FEAR

I'm no expert when it comes to matters of the heart, but i think the hardest part of truly being in love is fear every other reason comes after. Fear holds you back from being in love , to feeling , to giving your all to the other person. I think the biggest fear that i have is being rejected , not being rejected in the way someone will turn u down if u ask them out on a date, but the rejection that comes when you are in a relationship and the other person suddenly gets bored of you, while you are there thinking everything is ok, your better half is out there thinking that they want to be out and looks for the perfect time to do so, I've been there, it has happened to me already so i know . I just don't want it to happen again... thats the fear i have,i mean there are more lots more that can go wrong in love but i rather focus on wat can go right...i know within my self i wont have to go through this, but of course i'm no superman so the fear will be there waiting to feed to get bigger, i guess its up to me to starve it at all costs and focus on the positive, i don't want to go back to the days when i would walk around not caring if Sunday falls on Monday , i want to be a happier person.

My Prayer when the lady upstrs pisses me off

Lord grant me the strength not to kick my superiors ass
Guide my words so i wont cuss her up
Steady my thoughts so that i may not think about pushing her down the stairs
Lord show her the way to the door so that she may walk out my office
I ask this of you lord so that i may not end up in jail
Amen

Thought

A thought occurred to me today -well just now- why are humans the only animals who don't know that life is to be enjoyed? Instead we use our time here for what?- to chase money and material possessions, to make our decisions based on what other people will think... hmmm, well I'm tired of living this way, I'm sick of living my life to please other people , people who don't know me, people who would just stop and stare at you and pass judgment... I'm tired . I wanna be free of this mentality , i want to be happy for me , I'm going to make myself happy by doing what makes me happy regardless of what the rest of humanity may think...if i wanna shave my head into a Mohawk- i will cause it makes me happy- so to everyone else fuck off!!

Friday has teamed up with Wednesday

Yes it has happened my hate for Wednesday has pushed it over the edge and it has convinced Friday to join its cause to make my day suck...and well i think they are succeeding. Let me give you a run down of my day so far.... I'll do it in point form to make it more interesting ..lol..

• Woke up late this morning for some reason since i went to sleep early last night
• In the rush to get out of the house i left my cell phone home
• Got to work barely on time
• I have on a sneaker that has almost tripped me 5 yes count it 5 times
• Got my paycheque, went to cash it at the bank got rejected
• I waited almost an hour in the line
• Popped into a store to get something for my puppy almost broke a vase but i caught it
• Bought a teddy for my puppy, didnt have cash to pay for it
• Thank god i had my card
• Went for a taxi to go back to work, none of the cars were heading in that direction
• I had to drop short and walk the rest of the way
• When i got out of the car the teddy fell out and the car ran over it
• It wasn't hurt
• Got back to work a co worker said he'll take me POS to see if i will get it changed, i did
• On the way back we almost got into an accident, no one was hurt just shaken
• Got back here for lunch... i left that home
• thats all so far, the day is young

So there u have it my sucky day, its almost funny really, i kinda laughing now... but i screaming on the inside.

I know that pisses me off too!!!

I have been real busy with work and life in general, i have alot to post but for now here's a list of random stuff that pisses me off...

1.Dogs that like to bark, especially the ones that choose to be silent all day then bark at night.. for god's sake ur a dog not an owl.

2. People who are grumpy: ppl that are grumpy make me wanna hit them over the head with a shovel, then dig a hole with the same shovel and bury them with said shovel

3. Chocolate from Thailand or Indonesia or wherever that is currently flooding our supermarket shelves... it doesn't taste anything close to chocolate, I'll not eat it even if it was free and when i see someone eating it see above.

4.People who sign on to MSN messenger, then leave something like " i'm away from the pc" or " i'm not home right now" for frogs flippin sake, if you are not at home or not at ur pc sign out of MSN .

5. People that drive and read the newspaper at the same time... thats some serious fun there, playing with other ppl's lives

6. Ladies that wear waaaaayyy too much make up, i'm talking about the ones that wear so much foundation that u can scrape it off and use it to build a house... referred to as clown face ppl

7. Bmobile, they always fail me when i need to make an important call..always..

8. Stray cats that walk thru my yard like they own the place, but are too fast when i try to run and catch them

9. Patrick manning..need i say more?

10. Wednesdays...u know y

Pour

Like an empty glass i sit
Waiting to be filled with the wine of emotion
The salty taste of sadness
The fruity blend of joy
The bitter caress of hate
Fill me up, let it over flow
I sit here waiting..., hoping for the wine to be poured
Silently waiting...

Valentine

As i lay here, thinking of what to write
My mind can't help but take flight
It zooms off far away into a place
Where i can stand and stare at your beautiful face

There i can fall into the warmth of your smile
Or feel your breath on my skin, that drives me wild
There i can drown in the sound of your voice
Or touch your lips, i have no choice
I've fallen in love...smile after smile
I promise you I'll be there mile after mile
To hold your hand, to keep your near
To chase away all your fear

I've fallen in love, i won't get up
Cause you're my baby, you're my pup
I love you hunny, this is true
I just wanted to say Happy Valentines to you

Its Chocolate Day!!!

Today is Chocolate day aka Valentines day, yay!!! May the chocolate fairy cover you in pure milk chocolate , roll you in some crushed walnuts and then wrap you in colorful, transparent cello wrap and tie you with a bow, then proceed to put you on sale at a ridiculously high price as a gift of love, but then after lunch slash your price in half. So have a great day ...

O why, o why?!!

Why must Wednesday mock me so? Yes i hate Wednesdays, but come on Wednesday you don't have to hate me back..lol.. I got up an hour late this morning, had to rush around to get dressed, skipped breakfast, arrived on work just in time, have a ton of work to do here, and the radio station...well you know...it sucks ... so Wednesday you win this day but next week is mines all mine.

Neighbors Rock, TSTT sucks

So luckily my neighbor was at home and collected the package for me, the package was ....Another BLINK modem?, TSTT sucks..in case you didn't know i already received my blink modem for my ASDL connection so what am i to do with this one? Shall i keep it ( even though it looks like an old model) or do i call them and return it hmmm, decisions, decisions ...i think i will call since it will serve me no purpose home.... but I'll keep it until they charge me for it then I'll call and tell them about the mistake, and I'm sure they will ask so why didn't you call about the duplication earlier? and I'll say well everytime i call the line is busy... i have it all worked out..lol...

What there is an emergency?

So today i got a call from a TTPOST guy says he has a package to deliver to me, he would like direction to my house, so i give it to him, hes like one house away. I says sound the horn someone should come out to sign for the package. I decided to call someone to make sure they go outside to sign, this is my story:

Call 1 Housephone: Ring, ring, riiinnngg.. please leave your name and number

Call 2 Sister no3: Ring, ring, no answer

Call 3 Uncle: Ring ring, hey uncle you home? nope i'm at the gas station

Call 4 Sister no3: Ring, ring, can you go outside and sign for the package from the TTPOST man? O I'm not home I'm heading for classes

Call 5: Sister no2 : Ring, ring hey u home, yes? ok good can you go outside..wait which home ... by my(her) house..o darn never mind

Call 6: Housephone: Ring, ring, please leave your name and number

Call 7 Sister no1: Ring, ring... o yeah she doesn't live there either

Call 8 Aunt : Ring, ring, ring, ring... welcome to Bmobile...

Call 9 starts dialing housephone hangs up and cusses...

In the meantime TTPOST van pulls off, as you can clearly see if my house was on fire and i was trying to alert someone there, all i would have to go home to is ashes.

10 Random facts about me

1. My desk at work is always littered with scraps of paper with drawings on it

2. Pepper in chow = Good, Pepper in food = Bad

3. I spin around while looking at the sky, cause it makes me more dizzy

4. I own 18 pairs of sneakers but only wear 2 all the time

5. I love the rain

6. Cats creep me out

7. I hate crowds because i keep thinking that someone is going to turn into a zombie and kill me

8. Zombies scare me

9. I like being scared

10.I will steal chocolate if i have to

I told u they were random.

Top: My scrappy working that by the grace of god i got correct

Middle: My calculator that doesn't really get a work out, since i hardly know wat to punch in

Bottom: Thats me in math class longing to see the wold outside, see its like a jail

Jail

Thats me in math class longing to see the wold outside, see its like a jail

New feature

I decided to create a new feature cleverly called "Things i can snap with my low res cell phone camera" or snaps for short ...lol.. i just wanted to put up the stupid stuff i find myself staring at, some of it will make sense and some like this blog will not. so here goes my fist couple of pics





thats my shoe..kool eh..lol..

I hate math

Mind boggling, crazy, the numbers are weird
I see them on the board, it makes me pull my beard
O why must you mock me so maths
Why can't i understand, Why cant i get the facts?
Math i hate you, I hope that you die
Can i push you off a building and see if you fly?
I want to see you land on the ground so flat
The music to my ears will be a big splat

If you want to wrestle come on and try me
Figure 8's, percentages you cant buy me
I hate you with every fiber in my soul
Whole numbers, integers you're so bold
Quadrilaterals, graphs and even charts
When i think of you all i see are farts

Down with math, its not well
The guy that invented it should go to hell
Maybe he's there at Satan's side
Watching me want to run and hide
I hate maths so, it makes me blue
The numbers on the board are falling through
Someone send my math teacher to jail
Maybe i should pay attention or i will fail...






Thats the poem i came up with when i was supposed to be paying attention in math class... hmm the things that run thr my mind..lol..

MIss u

I sit alone under the stars and i think of you
I lie alone under the sky and i wait for you
I sleep alone under the clouds and i dream of you
I wake alone under the night and
I miss you

Hmmmm

My Personality

Neuroticism	35
Extraversion	66
Openness to Experience	73
Agreeableness	39
Conscientiousness	44

You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge, however you don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You like the security of tradition, but sometimes have a desire to bend the rules and challenge conventional thinking. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You have a reasonable amount of will-power and are able to follow through on tasks that you feel you need to complete. You can be distracted however and have been known to procrastinate.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. A range of Ugg Boots.

Give in

I have been hurt, i have hurt
its weird

When you're in love and being scared
Give in to the desires of the heart
For this is my only life...

Stripped away, scrape off my layers
I stand before you naked
Scars of my past showing
I feel free, yet afraid...

Will you add to these scars?
Will you heal me from within
I trust u, do u trust me?

Give in to the feelings of love...
I will not scar you with my tongue, nor with my hand
look into my eyes, what do you see?
Do you see your future with me....

This love for you that i have
it has grown so fast
it beats with every step i take
it pulses with every breath i make

i gave in to the desires of my soul
with you here i am finally whole....

Clowns scare me

Yes its true clowns scare the hell out of me- i don't know why on earth someone would dress up like that, paint their faces white, then paint on a smile on their lips ,even though they maybe frowning its stills looks as if they are smiling...who in gods name will find that happy and fun? not i... anytime i see a clown painting the face of a kid i always seem to think that they are recruiting new members for their gang ... that and the fact that i watched IT when i was younger, damn my parents for not telling us we cant watch this movie.....Clowns scare me .....

Things that scare me

Balloons cause they can pop and take out your eye

And what goes with balloons?

Clowns, cause you never know who or what is beneath all that make up

Dont judge a book by its cover

Hmmmm this weekend was by far the most awesome ever, went to the movies Friday there was alot of traffic getting there cause of the comedy fest at the Jean Pierre complex, got there and the only movie we could make was First Sunday or was the name Last Sunday? anyways I was like ugghh this movie will suck but remarkably it didn't, it was actually funny and i had a rocking good time .Got home pretty late which wasn't a problem since the next day was Saturday, but how wrong was i cause i had to go for a haircut, had to get up early and go down Chaguanas..the sun was blimping hott, not your oridinary hott it was like the heat was so overbearing, i got the biggest headache, the worst part was i had to go gift hunting for my sis cause it was her bday, sadly after walking up and down for about 2 hrs and visiting every possible store i couldn't find anything that i thought was suitable, but i did however get some stuff for myself ( i know i suck..lol) got my haircut which rocks btw , only because my babes said it did..lol.. I ended up spending 600.00 in one day, thats alot if you ask me especially since i'm on a budget, i think the items that cost me the most was deodorant and a bottle of gel they came up to like 211.00 just for that and some skin cream!! ( Dam inflation) pretty soon I'll have to change my hairstyle and not sweat as much so i wouldn't need gel or deodorant..lol..I'm a horrible brother cause i didn't get anything for my sis but I'll keep searching till i come across something kool, later on that day i hung out with my friend, today its like really rainy and cold , weird how the weather changes around here, this morning i went by my friend and hung out, came home only to find out that none of my work clothes is dry so what am i to wear tomorrow to work? I guess its jeans and a t shirt or something. Sometimes its like i hate the rain, but that feeling only lasts for a couple seconds cause i freaking love the rain, except when it doesn't allow my clothes to dry. I saw the movie JUNO today, it was realllly good, i mean really awesome, some people wouldn't get it but i totally get it cause i weird and it was a weird movie..lol.. not creepy weird but just weird.

Age and Wisdom

People tend to think that with age comes wisdom, but alas it is not true. I'm pissed right now cause the "old lady" upstairs is treating me like a child, i am not your child lady do not talk to me with all that attitude!!! just cause i am the youngest person working here doesn't mean that i don't deserve the same sort of respect that you dish out to everyone, hmmmmmph the anger is passing ...lol.. its gone, see what a little expression can do, I'm pretty sure if i didn't vent here i would probably push her down the stairs ..lol.. i cant believed i just laughed at the thought of pushing someone down the stairs, does that make me evil... i hope not. Today was a very lazy day for me, actually right now i'm pretty sleepy, my eyes are running water , dunno why i feel this way i probably didn't fuel my body right today. My friend Kisha called me today, i was beginning to think that only when she has a problem she calls, but thankfully i was proven wrong. About age and wisdom, wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age but it surely comes from experience. So the more you experience in this life the wiser you become, makes sense... to me at least. O BTW Kish i not dissing you or anything you rock, you know you my friend.

New Header

Well after much putting off i finally created a new header for the blog, it took me a couple hours but i did it, dunno where the idea came from though but it happened, and i likes the end result. Looks like i just pimped my blog (header) lol

Floating

I feel light, like a soft breeze
Being carried away by my thoughts
I drift around floating, happy to be free
Your voice echoes, where you are
Is where i want to be.
Thinking of your touch, seeing you smile
The things you do make it worthwhile
A simple laugh, a gentle call
These are the things that made me fall

Thoughts

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes
on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves"
inside us all..

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority,
and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence,empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grand son thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:
"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

An Open Letter

This is an open letter to all the people out there, that for some reason or the other hate me, or wish to see my demise.

Dear Person(s),

What do you gain by holding all this hate for me? Do you get candy or snacks, or maybe you get free tickets to a movie. Please let me know, if its candy i would gladly hold some hate for you so that i may also partake in this freebie. If you get nothing i don't see the point, all you are doing is darkening your soul and adding bad karma to yourself. You can hate me till the cows come strolling home but it has no effect on me whatsoever, all that seething hate is not good for the mind body or soul.... Try love... love is life, life is god..so by covering yourself in hate all you are doing is turning away from god and killing your lifeforce.... a lifeforce that some people will give up eternity to have. So enjoy your lives and stop hating, life is too short. Lemme give you something to think about... Your mother, father, sister, brother, cousins they are all going to die, we are all going to die one day so why waste the precious little time that god has bestowed upon us to hate, why not use it to make a positive difference in people's lives, to spend time with your friends and family and to enjoy life. I hope that this letter has calmed your vengeful spirit, if it has not i feel sorry for you , cause no amount of hate, or bad vibes that you send my way will cause me any anxiety , wanna know why? Cause i have decided to be happy, to be positive and guess what i have someone who makes me happy and keeps me positive whenever i may slip, i have friends that i can turn to when i have a problem, and a family. I have so many things that i should be grateful for that it's mindboggling ... Is this the reason why you hate me so much cause I'm happy? If this is the reason i ask god to show u the light that you have closed your mind to and i wish you good luck, i hope that you realize the value of life and if you do not and you wish to continue to hate me.... too bad for you.....your loss.

Carnival is over

Today I feel like aughhhh, or as one of my friends would put it "bleh" my neck hurts, my eyes burn, everyone is at home and i'm at work and worst of all its Wednesday... so this day is bleh, Carnival has come and gone , didn't do much, but work , work and work on my project which is technically due tomorrow but we got an extension which is not real till we get it in writing which we have not yet , so its due tomorrow... i'm almost finished anyways. My phone fell off my lap this morning when i got out of the car and it slid into the streets i was like nooooooooooooo, and dove for it luckily there wasn't any cars on the road so my dramatic behavior was uncalled for ..lol.. it got dented though but its still functions dunno how on earth i left it on my lap .... Sometimes i feel as if life as gotten so calculated that it drives me insane my life is basically: work- school-home-rinse and repeat, but these days it has its surprises which i like very much ...i shall not elaborate for fear that i may jinx myself ....Carnival our carnival the supposedly greatest show on earth came and went sooo fast that i think that i imagined the half naked women on the newspaper today, i never liked carnival, dunno why, maybe its the hott sun, or the lack of imagination by the bands, or the lyric less calypsos, chutney, and soca songs, or maybe just maybe its all the garbage that accumulates on the streets, and the uninviting smells of P.O.S, but mostly i think its because all the perverts come out , gape and drool over themselves when the women are jumping around... it could be a little bit of all.... usually i would notice Carnival even for a couple secs, but this year nothing, not even a song was in my head ...it seems that carnival is dead ...well to me at least, now its lent and that equals to fish prices going up, up and up and the reason being that...well the fishermen have different reasons the main one being that the fish scarce which is probably true but thank god i had my fill of fish before, so I'll continue with my chicken but wait shrimp will also skyrocket ...and i love me some shrimp..snap.. i guess i will be affected. Nevertheless i will survive. With or without shrimp..

JUST A NOTE THE PIC ABOVE IS NOT ME OR ANYONE I KNOW