This year Diwali is very quiet, we are not "celebrating" because of the passing of my uncle. The ton of food is still being cooked, but no deeyas will be lit later. Just 9, i think. But i bought a load of fire crackers to buss, the sports and cultural association in my community is holding a Diwali celebration at the corner of my street so I'll be there, just taking in the atmosphere. I'll miss placing the lights out in the yard, but next year by god's grace we will celebrate. For now, today i will take time to pray and reflect on the past year , maybe even make some changes in the positive direction. I hope everyone in TnT have a safe and happy but most importantly holy Diwali. Time to so eat some food. LOL...
Happy Divali
Remember...
Remember the first time i looked into your eyes
i got lost
Remember the first time i touched your hand
I felt alive
Remember the first time i kissed your lips
I felt joy
Remember the first time i embraced your body
I felt complete
Remember the first time I said I love you
I meant it
Remember the first time I cried for you
It melted my heart
Remember the first time you touched my soul
I fell in love
9 months ago today, i remember how i found my way to you.... best decision of my life
Venom
How long would someone hold venom in their hearts? This is the question that kept running through my head, my EX gf can't seem to let sleeping dogs lie. Just when i thought she was out of my life, she pops back in like a bat out of hell. Her words actually. She's spreading hate lies about me, people i don't even know hate me because of what she told them. Now i know that this shouldn't have the slightest of effect on me, but it still hurts to know that someone i loved and who claimed to love me, would be this malicious. Its been almost a year since we separated, we just crashed and burned. But for some reason she just wants me dead. I dunno what to do, i hope it doesn't get worse. I just want to move on with my life. I hold no emotion for her, no hate, no anger ...nothing at all. When i look back on the relationship we had all i see is an experience that god put me through to be a better individual, and in more than one sense it made me the person i am now. More understanding, considerate, calm....every good trait that i have today is because of that bad relationship. Maybe that's why she hates me so, i left with good stuff and i feel as if i gained so much from our time together while she's just the same person she was a year ago.I'm not going to let this affect me deeply, but it still hurts ...i guess i will have to be the bigger person and just let it go.
Smooth Saturday
My friend Dave, bought his new car..so I'd like to tell him congratulations, its a really big accomplishment to own a piece of machinery like that...a black uber kool Lancer. Saturday i tagged along to get his alarm installed.It was either that or go with my sister to shop...didn't take much thinking...first he had to buy the alarm, then find the installation place in bamboo, which took a while...i didn't know bamboo had so much traffic, eventually we found it..it would take 3 hours to have it installed,we weren't about to just sit there for that long period of time, so like the crazy people we are, we footed it down to Grand Bazaar, took us 20mins to get there, the sun was way hot and to make matters worse we both had on black. Marching down the highway like crazy people...got to GB, had lunch....the cost of it nearly made me fall off my chair. 99.00 for a 2 plates of food, i just had potato pie and some macaroni salad and he had rice, callaloo, chicken and potato pie...the portions were small also. I was shocked, that was the last time i would be buying from Cafe Caribbean...way too expensive. I didn't pay, but still....lol...we loitered in GB for a while just chilling, then i remember Westport had their 20.00 sale...yeah i cheap...lol.. i got 3 work shirts cant go wrong with that. Then we trotted back to bamboo in the blistering sun to get the car, i was never so grateful for AC in my life. What next we thought, i dunno how we ended up in Pricesmart in Chag. but it was my first time... the place is huge, you can get anything there, i bought a cake ...lol.. was just checking out the place, o and i bought a car kit for him , just to say congrats. I really think he appreciated it. We spent the entire day together .....and i feel closer to my buddy cause the drives to and fro we discussed alot of stuff. It was a great day.I have to take a pic of the car to post it. And i even got to drive it a bit.Woohooo......
Tobago Work
I was shipped off to Tobago for three days for "joyous" non stop work. My job seems to take me to Tobago alot, i honestly don't mind cause i enjoy what i do, and now i can say that i know some of Tobago. It was a productive 3 days away from home, but alas it was so lonely being there, mind you i wasn't by myself i had 3 other co workers with me, maybe twice my age and they all seem to be caught up in "hanging out" with each other so most of the evenings i was left out of the conversations, or the little excursions they took. I was indeed alone. Wasn't an unfamiliar feeling. For all three evenings i would wonder the stretch of road by myself to get something to eat, or go in the pool and relax, floating around looking up at the evening sky...just letting thoughts enter my mind..it ranged from me being a merman to what I'm doing with my life, I wasn't concentrating on anything in particular. I missed my gf , for some reason my Bmobile phone was giving trouble, but then again when is Bmoblie not giving trouble? She got angry that i wasn't even calling to say i was OK, or what was going on....even to go as far as thinking i ran off to Tobago with some other girl. When she admitted that, i felt really hurt, i guess her trust in me is somehow wavering ..maybe its something i have been doing. In any case we worked out the "disagreement" and i still don't think she fully believed that my phone was indeed giving trouble. The last morning, i took a walk to the beach to clear my mind. I had a great time there, the morning air so cool against my skin, the beach was deserted , so it was just me and my thoughts ...the way i like . I came to the realization that even though things may look glum , and i feel like i cant go on, i need to find the inner strength to rise up. I cant afford to fall down anymore.
Creature Feature ....is back
Creature feature has, like me been absent from the blog, but its back and guess what i have a slew of new names...woohoooo...so since today is the welcome back episode , the names will be tossed in the air and the first one to hit the floor wins* names are tossed in air* wind picks up* pieces of paper fly all across the yard*running , jumping over the neighbor's wall* lands in mud*gets one piece stuck to hand*unwraps paper* and the winner is .....drumroll.....waits to enhance the anticipation....Rainier Seenath...*crowds cheers, screams shouts rainy bear, rainy bear.....the theme song from James bond plays in the background......
I have known this dude for as long as i had my Internet, he was my very first online friend, taught me about all the freaks lurking in cyberspace and how to avoid them. He's real cool to lime with cause the dude knows how to party. One thing i can honestly say is that he's got my back, no matter what and even though I'm the older one he treats me like his little bro, which is kool. Always have a good word to say, and never at a loss for words...coined the name Rainy bear which seemed to have stuck with all the chicks, a down to earth person who never seems to let the negative words of anyone break his stride.One word he's awesome and I'm glad that after all these years, and yup i said years he's still my really good friend and partner in crime. So Rainier i just wanna let the www know u r da bomb.... u belong in a dustbin in POS....hahhaha i kid, you're awesome don't change for anyone.*big thumbs up*
Change
I have been having these really weird dreams lately, stuff like dreaming of Bugs Bunny or being chased by Cruella De Ville, this morning i dreamt that i had to reach to work for 6am and i got up 5.45...i have no idea what it all means, but it sure confuses me when i crawl out of bed. Today i decided to take charge of my life and steer it in the direction i want it to go. I made a schedule and everything, cause when i come home from work i tend to just waste my time online when i could actually get some other stuff done.The project is to see how long i can follow this for, and hopefully i have the willpower to really make a change in my life and make it a better one, only time will tell.
Finally
This morning was by far the best i had in a long time, the rain, glorious rain finally fell in the wee hours of Sunday and carried on for most of the day... kept me sleeping till about 11. For the first time in a long time i felt so complete , in my warm bed, under my covers ...rain hitting hard the tin roof drowning out all other sounds. I was in heaven. My gf actually woke me up with a text, saying she hopes I'm enjoying the weather and wished she was there to cuddle with me. What a way to start a brand new week. This week I'm going on vacation, so four short days of work and then I'm off for 10 days...*sigh* i cant wait....
I think i'm a witch...err...warlock
Not kidding, when the accountant pissed me off i sat at my desk and was chanting an old rhyme i used to say as a kid when i played marble pitch and didn't want my cousin to get more out of the pot ( the ring in which the marble is in) this is how it went "gin-gay gin-gay puss ca lin-gay" i know its weird and honestly i don't even know where i got it from, but it worked every time....so there i am at my desk chanting that, aiming it in the direction of the assistant accountant, waving my arms around in my most mystical manner ...my co worker sees and wonders what the hell I'm doing, i just casually say sending some bad vibes *insert name here* way. She laughs it off and tells me not to take her on , she's old. About ten minutes later i am upstairs and boom the Secretary and the A.A falls out over something the A.A said, i swear to god that fight would have broken out, in my mind a huge fight sequence was playing out-- the accountant throwing calculators, flipping on the desk running against the wall, the Secretary flipping back throwing paperclips, penciling a whoop ass in her daily planner for the A.A...hahah..my mind is so warped, but it was an intense exchange of words...really intense , words like fool, dotish, chupid, were used. The A. A was definitely shut up, i know this may sound really vile but i smiled to myself and thought wow i didn't have to fall out with her, the Secretary gave her a verbal beat down. I told you my bad vibes worked. I wish i could go into the details of the disagreement but the A.A was really wrong, and its way too long to write. I got payback and i didn't even have to dirty my hands.Wooohooooo.
aaauuughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The assistant accountant here, has a problem with everyone and its pissing me to hell off!! She has crossed the ripe old age of 60 but for some reason or the other refuses to retire, yet every other day she comes in and complains about the job, or the workers ( me included) blantanly stating that she can at any time pick up her bag and walk out cause she doesn't need this job, well for fucks sake do that please and get the hell out of my hair...I'm angry ...yup i am and i know that before this year is finished i will have a serious "fall out" with her. This morning i walk into work all jolly, cause i'm trying to be a happier person, encounter her and now I'm angry. She says stuff behind other peoples back, some crap about me not doing my job properly...ummm... if you have a problem please come talk to me about it face to face, i am not a stubborn person and i rather enjoy being corrected it only makes me learn more, but the sad thing is I'm following her instructions and now she contradicting what she said......lord this sounds like a bad episode of Westwood Park...lol.. i feel better now, i no longer want to push her down the stairs, i however am still up to put salt in her coffee...yea...*evil grin* ...its going to be one hell of a long day.
Frustration in my nation
Work is frustrating the hell out of me, i try my best to be calm but its like the more i get done the more the GM gives me to do, and with such an attitude...i am currently doing the job of 4 people and getting the salary of one which sucks. I need to get a better paying job, right now I'm struggling to make ends meet, i can't even take my gf out to the movies or anything, after all the bills and buying food, my pockets are bare, but i still try to back squeeze something to at least get her something like a card and ice cream, i know it sounds horrible ...but luckily i have an understanding gf, thankfully actually. I'm trying my best to leave my frustrating about work in work and not drag them home with me , and somehow its working..I'm no longer grumpy home..haahah. that's a huge deal for me.
Salt and Pepper...
My employer bought tickets for all his employees to attend the Fatima annual Salt and Pepper, where past students cook and serve patrons all for a good cause. I was very skeptic , i thought to myself that this is gonna suck, there will be crappy food, crappy music and lots of old people reminiscing on their old days at school...i dressed to impress cause if i was going to be bored might as well look good doing it. The place was packed with people, and i was pleasantly surprised at the mix in the crowd, the smell of food wafted through the air making my mouth water, they gave us chits at the door 4 meat chits, one wine and one desert... the rice, macaroni salad and green salad was free. This was the procedure, grab a plate get your free stuff, then walk around to all the different booths and choose your meat dish, you will have to give up a chit of course, the great thing was there were boxes available so you could have gotten 4 different boxes filled with separate complete meals....awesome...the wine sucked but the bar was like freeeeeeee....haahahha..i sound like a alcoholic, but i had like 6 screwdrivers , a coke, LLB, some juice, i got high, i was giggling , and clapping cause they had karaoke, and kill me dead i wanted to go on that stage so bad and sing..hahaa... the deserts were great too, they had so much that i got 2- black forest cake and cheese cake , and u got a free ice cream....the whole event was well organised and layed out. I had a great time, got home "high" and the funniest thing happened, i had a can of coke in my hand , if fell and got 2 small punctures causing it to spray coke on me, like a slight drizzle, so there i am can in hand getting sprayed with coke wondering where the hell this rain coming frm...hahahha... i stood there wondering for like 10 mins and only the next morning i figured it out wen i found the coke sealed and half empty in the sink. I know technically nothing was free cause the tickets were 250.00 but u didn't have to give up a chit for the drinks , or the other stuff so in my mind its was freeeeeeee.....I'm such a typical Trini, freeenesss
Faith....
Sometimes things happen in such an order, i just step back and wonder ..this is so faith. Saturday was one of those days, taking my cousin Chaguanas to get a shirt moved from just grabbing that and lunch to a whole day lime....first we bounced up 2 of my cousins who were there shopping for earrings, they couldn't hang with us, but they in turn bounced up another 2 cousins and told them we were there, then they called us and we all gathered together in Center City Mall where i happened across one of my school friends Kris, so the 5 of us all went Joesphs to hang out and play pool...can u imagine if one slight move was made different none of the pool playing and laughing would have happened. Thats what you call faith, my saturday went from ok to da bomb..omg do ppl even say that anymore...lol....
Features
Features on my blog have all but disappeared, but i wanna get back on track as soon as i can, I'm working on a new time management schedule and i hope to include at least half hour dedicated to updating my blog and getting my thoughts out, kinda like draining my head out on paper..hmmm that process may take like an hour, I'll make it an hour ..sometimes i wonder if time has sped up and we haven't noticed, the days are flying by and pretty soon another year would have passed ....a whole year of being on blogger i never thought i would have made it this far, I'm proud :)
I've been hanging around this town...
Sometimes the lyrics in songs hit me so hard that i fall over on my bed and just lie there soaking it all in, Hanging around by counting crows makes me think that my life is in a stalemate, nothing seems to be going on ...no movement forward whatsoever, I'm stuck in a rut...why i ask myself, its cause i've been blocking out mental stimulation and just focusing on the ordinary which is bleh, time to get something to put the kabam back into my life. Today i came across Shakira's Album Oral Fixation vol2 , and i got to say it brought back so many memories, the time this album was release i was going thorough a really rough patch in my life and the songs got me through it, well sometimes it would get me more depressed...but it all worked out in the end, so this afternoon I've been spinning it on Meidamonkey, i especially like the song "your embrace" and "dreams for plans" , esp. the last one, check the lyrics out....really makes me wonder about where my life is really going, and how much i miss lying on the grass and looking up at the sky, wasting my days away dreaming ...gosh i miss those days....
Wolverine and the X-men
When i first heard of this new x men cartoon, i was a bit skeptic, mind you i am a huge X-men fanatic...and there is no way in hell i would like to see Wolverine lead the X-Men, i took a wait and see approach , who knows it may not be bad afterall it's the X-men, so over the weekend i finally found a link leading to the first 4 episodes of the series, and shut my mouth , the cartoon is AWESOME....its not entirely focussed on Wolvie as i had first thought, everyone so far gets a fair amount of air time and the storyline is so far very intriging...i saw many mutants i thought would never make it to animation, but there they are using mutant powers and me with my jaw dropped to the floor, now i am extremly excited to see the rest of the series, my only peeve is Storm, how on earth can they butcher her beauty, what the hell is up with her puffy hair...its doesnt work for me..lol.. i wanna see the sexy storm i know..lol.. but the drawing scheme of the entire series is really goemetric , but i guess thats a small price to pay, hell they have a new X-men seires i am jumping for joy, i soo excited right now i could pee...the best part is i sent the links to my Gf and she went crazy for it also, isnt it great to have someone who loves X-men almost as much as i do...Wolverine and the X-men debuts next year on Nicktoons, o BTW rouge has turned evil...hell yea....
You think its hot, by me its hotttteeerrrr
These days are so hot, beyond warm, the sun is scorching. I'm not fortunate enough to have an AC room, the closest thing i have to that is to stand in front the fan, rub some ice on my face and say ahhhhh. I have never remembered the weather being so hot in my life, it was always bearable, but for the past couple days OMG i can't do anything but stand around the fan, sometimes i get so restless that i walk aimlessly around the house, prompting my mom to ask me what I'm looking for. I wish it would rain and cool the place, the grass looks brown everything is dying ..well grass wise that is. I'm thinking about investing in an AC, but the cost of electricity will probably have me screaming in terror, in the mean time my intention is to loiter in the mall, or in the car with the AC up all the way, or go to the river whenever i can...if i can't do any of the above, i have good old ice and the fan.
Wrong use of email....
Recently I've been getting alot of hate mail..well not directed to me personally, its directed at other people but somehow a contact would forward it to me, and i would shake my head in disgust, and sometimes amusement, but at the end of it i have this lingering feeling that emails shouldn't be used like this.Take for instance, one i received the other day, about some guy living his life as a woman down south , his name is Joell and attached is a pic of him smiling with a drink in his/her hand but under the pic is captioned "disgusting" i mean whats the point , if the guy wants to live like a lady, he has all right to do so, why would someone take upon themselves to send an email around the world exposing his secret...sad i say, and then people think its amusing to forward it to everyone on their list...i know that one stopped ..i didn't forward it...there were others, pics of people having sex, then under the attachments there would be the person's full name, where they're working and sometimes even a work contact number, i think that this goes to show how much hate is filled in the world, and of course one of the many dangers of using email...seems that spreading gossip has gone high tech, i know i'm late to realize this, but i never actually experienced emails like that being sent to my inbox, guess its popularity is growing, but as this trend grows the fibers of our morality is shrinking , i for one have taken the stance not to let the cycle of hate go on the email stops at my inbox, it doesn't travel further than there, but how many other people are out there forwarding away, dunno if it will make a difference though, but its my little part. Its all funny and amusing, until you see your own pic up there.....
Dreams
Last night i had a weird dream, i dreamt that a plane landed in the middle of the road, a huge plane like the commercial ones. The door opened, some stairs were lowered then out of the aircraft people i knew came out...like people i haven't thought about in a million years..my std1 teacher, my best friend from primary school, my neighbor that moved abroad years ago, a girl i was head over heels for in form one, some guy i used to hang out with in Computer classes...each one of them passed me and said hello, i simply nodded and smiled....i was filled with a feeling a sadness cause as they passed me they entered the neighbors yard and vanished....i sat on the road puzzled and feeling blue..then out of the plane descending the stairs was my uncle, i stood up , ran and hugged him...i was so happy....but then the person who looked exactly like my uncle told me he's not my uncle and i have him mixed up with someone else....i started to cry, and all i could mutter was you look just like him sorry, he then walked into the neighbors yard and vanished. I woke up filled with sadness. It was a sad day today, it weird how dreams can affect me so profoundly.