Sleepness Night

I took 2 Panadol drowsy last night, hoping that it would have knocked me out cold...but i was wrong, it kept me up all night long, well i was light headed...which felt good like i had some rum and coke, but that coupled with all the crap running through my head...kept my eyes wide open. I tried reading but it didn't work, i couldn't concentrate...so i just sat there in the dark staring at the roof. Wasn't much fun till the firefly came in, i got dizzy looking at it...at that moment i realized something..I'm easily entertained..lol.. the firefly left and i was back staring at the roof and sometimes the wall...when its that quiet, and your senses are partially deprived, alot of self realization happens, and the things that really matter showed themselves to me, my family, god, the way i treat people even though they treat you like crap always have respect... it was weird seeing all those things in my head, knowing that the pills were affecting me in some way and then i got knocked out...it finally happened , the only downside probably 2 hrs passed and then i had to get up for work. I'm over the cold now. I should have had some Nyquil that would have knocked me out fuh sure, i used to be addicted to that stuff, until i couldn't afford it anymore..lol.. I'm so over it.

Sparrow Song

The haunting voice of the sparrow follows me
Silently flying wherever i tread
Singing its sorrowful song
I alone see it,
I alone hear the tears fall to the floor
Born of love, betrayed in life
Singing its song to me
Retelling a tale, of lovers lost
Of a heart broken, of a doomed soul...

Destined to roam the earth
Forever singing its song
Calling out to a love not there
Singing its song to anyone who would listen...

I alone hear the song of the sparrow
The melody swirls around my ear
Constantly filling me with sadness
I whistle the song of the sparrow
to keep it company
Our sadness fuse together
One and the same, the same and one...

People read my blog.....?

I came across another blog that linked back to me, i must say that I'm surprised that someone would read what i write here, the only person i thought reads is my gf, and i love her for it... i think she's my biggest fan..lol..babes you can get my autograph anytime u know..haha.. okay back on track. I was flattered that one person linked me now i have two, so I'm ecstatic ...lol.. way kool.

Leaking nose

My nose is leaking, it itches, I'm sneezing alot... i don't have the cold right?... thats all the symptom i got , no fever, no chills, no headaches... just sneezing and leaking... must be the dust in the air, the down side to this situation is not all the mucus that i have to blow out into my hanky, but me having to constantly check if i got snat in my nose..lol.. yes i said snat... In addition to that , some people just stressing me out... but i nuh letting that bother me...i just don't understand how someone will benefit from spreading lies and deceit, but u know the saying "Jealous people poison their own banquet and then eat it" so all i could say to the person(s) who spreading lies...eat up bitches!!! I just fed up and i don't need more stress in my life...with all the crap going on in my family right now, I'm two steps away from the edge of insanity. And my damn nose won't stop leaking.....

Feeling Sick

My nose burns, my throat itches, my eyes are watering... i think I'm getting the cold....noooooo!!! I'll have to fight this off the only way i know how, dance...yeah you heard right, anytime i feel sick i dance up a storm until I'm dripping with sweat and then i take a cold shower and thank you lord I'm healed. It works for me. I'm skipping math class today cause I'm feeling light headed, like I'm drunk, enjoying the feeling, but losing balance isn't fun. Niki and i didn't go to the movies on Sunday, but tomorrow we are going to have dinner, i honestly thought we were going to the movies thank god i called and cleared that up, i just hope I'm up for it.

The killer weekend

This weekend was so totally awesome that i could just relive it over and over, but then I'll want to throw up...too much alcho..lol . Friday i went to the movies with the gf, the movie (bank job) wasn't that great but time spent with her was...and as usual i always end up saying something that produces awkward silence... and hurt feelings, I'm such a dumbass sometimes... little advice always think about your words throughly before u utter them, i tend to blurt out the first thing that comes in my head.. i asked if i was losing her cause sometimes i feel like I'm not interesting enough to keep her attention - that really hurt her feelings, cause she thought i meant - she's seeing someone else, but honestly i didn't mean it like that. I felt awful,when i saw the look on her face...its hard to describe, it was a look that just went straight inside me, and hit something, piercing something,it was at that moment i realized that i cant lose her... that i wasn't losing her...that i loved her. Then i did something that shocked even me...i let my guard down...i told her whats bothering me, whats on my mind...we bonded that night , i finally feel totally comfortable in my own skin around her...its a wonderfully delicious feeling. I went to be like 1am that night, had to get up so early in the morning to rush to Chaguanas for a hair cut, go Pennywise, shop for some new kicks and a tee and get home by 11.30 to get ready to go to school for one, it was real hectic, i got to class on time, but almost fell asleep, i was slapping myself so hard to stay awake that it made some students turn around with puzzled looks on their faces..lol.. maybe it was because i hadn't eaten anything all day... after school it was home to get ready to go to a cooking, well in the gap between 5-7 i just relaxed a bit, we got there at the cooking like 9.00pm and left 4am in the morning, it was one freaking awesome party. I danced all night, pictures were taken but i dunno if i'll post it up here, might be a lil too much exposure..lol.. Sunday i tried to sleep late but couldn't cause it was soo freaking hott, then i remembered i had to do the laundry...auggh i hate that soo much, but a man's got to do whats a man's got to do eh... so i did it , and later on in the afternoon my gf and i went to the mall and she bought me a shirt...awww..i know..lol.. it was our anniversary, three months since we decided to hook up, been the best 3 months of my life.

Illusions

They fall in front your eyes, misty clouds
Blink once, twice
Focus on the illusions that they have created
Happy family, wonderful friends
Illusions
Finding love, needing love
Illusions
Sitting alone, looking outwards
Reality....

It's Friday!!! Time to get it on...

Friday the bestest day of the week...lol..today was such a kool laid back day here at work, i wish every day could be like this. I feel super hyper cause i just had a ton of chocolate, yumm... The weekend is here and thanks to my family i have nothing to do, but instead of lying around moping, i decided to take advantage of the opportunity... so Saturday I'm off to get a haircut then probably be meeting a friend there to hang out a bit , then its to class till 4pm...later in the night if I'm lucky someone will ask me to go hang out- if not I'll look at some horror movies, or maybe I'll call Kristen and chat the night away..lol.. Sunday I'll be going to the movies with Nikeda..yay!!! ..i hope... its not totally confirmed but if push comes to shove , I'll still go, even by myself...Maybe i should just stay at home and study..but where's the fun in that? Hoping later I'll be seeing my gf, if not hmmmm i dunno, besides me being extremely disappointed and sad, I'll just chill home, call people on my lime and laugh till about one or so. Some thing will happen....

Bogus

I still feel down in the dumps, the weird thing is i don't have anyone to talk to. All my friends are busy, or happy... i don't want to get them down with my problems... now i feel as if my gf is avoiding me ..auggh.. life is just pushing me down, down, down...i need to talk to someone, cause all sorts of thoughts running through my head, I'm remembering things from the past that i thought i got over, like betrayal.... i cant believe that i don't have a trustworthy friend i could be truthful with...its so bogus.


So i finally called a friend and we talked and i feel soooo much better now, i tried calling my gf, but she was asleep, i know she needs her sleep, i don't want to disturb her. So thank you Devon, dunno if you read this blog..i doubt..lol.. but if you do thanks for listening and dishing out some pretty good advice.

Depressed

Depression has set in, i feel like no one cares about me, and it has stemmed from one incident and seems to be spiraling out of control... the situation is: for over one month i have been looking forward to going to a wedding down south, a Hindu one so that means "cooking" and so on...i told my parents that i would be going and of course i was like super excited cause that meant party... but yesterday i hear them discussing about transport... i asked if my seat was secure in the maxi, my mom then dropped the bomb that i was not accounted for and all the seats are taken up....i mean what the fuck!!! I'm so disappointed right now, i have nothing to do on Friday, Saturday and Sunday...except being depressed .... what a family I've got ...these people treat me like crap... sometimes i wonder if there is actually anyone out there that gives a flying fuck about me, anyways i should be accustomed to this kind of treatment...birthdays have always passed without anyone even saying hey its your birthday, happy birthday!! So this isn't that bad, but it still hurts

Superwat...?

Auggh i hate when people think I'm super dork... for god's sake i cant do everything known to man....AAAAAAHHHHHHH i wanna run out of here ( I'm in work) go straight home, hop in my bed and sleep. Sometimes i wonder if the daily stress i encounter at work is worth the paycheck i get at the end of the month... but what's a man to do, got to earn the bread. God i need a massage....

So true....

YUH KNOW YUH IS A TRINI IF.....

• Yuh refer to all salt crackers as "Crix".
• Yuh know the meaning of the word "obzokie".
• Yuh own a cutlass.
• Yuh know how to "scootch" somebody.
• Yuh can name 3 types of mangoes.
• Yuh call everybody "dread"
• Yuh know what a "grip" is and struggle to keep it under 70 lbs. when yuh goin` back home.
• Yuh know dat to "cuff" and "box" are fightin adjectives.
• Yuh call every bee, wasp, or hornet a "jaxspaniard".
• Yuh pronounce San Juan: "Sah-Wah"
• Yuh tired of hearin "Who let da dogs out?" cause yuh know de original by Anslem is de REAL thing.
• Old dub like "Ram-Ram" brings back some special memories.
• When yuh leave yuh does "ride out" and yuh coming back "in a timing."
• When yuh crossing de road, and cars speeding toward yuh, yuh does say "Well bounce meh nah!"
• Yuh don't look at traffic lights when crossing de road.
• Yuh does say, "Ah tell yuh!", even when someone else is telling you the story.
• Yuh put salt on every citrus fruit yuh eat to make it sweeter.
• Yuh can avoid potholes with true skills.
• Yuh grow up on Klim, Milo, Horlicks or Ovaltine.
• Speaking of that, yuh remember eating Ovaltinees, Smarties, Catch bars and Cheers candy?
• Every carbonated beverage is called a "sweet drink"
• A good lime is not edible.
• "A beer is a....." (fill in the rest)
• "Donkey's years" means a very long time.
• Yuh clap with everybody else when de BWEE plane finally land in Port of Spain.
• Yuh know what coki-eye is.
• Yuh call it a car park instead of parking lot.
• Yuh call chewing gum "tring gum"
• Yuh always seem to meet someone yuh knew in secondary school or dey cousin went to school with you.
• De bone taste jus as good as de meat.
• "Haul yuh tail!" have nothing to with a moving truck....ENT??
• Yuh give directions with your hands... even if it's in another state (yuh jus go up de road and when yuh see...)
• Yuh go to parties for the food... and the word free never quite had the same meaning.
• Yuh nod your head upwards to greet someone... and sideways when the joke stale.
• Your recipe for making orange juice is plenty water, plenty sugar, plenty ice and only 2 orange... and "ah pak ah red kool-aid tuh stretch it..."
• Yuh say "boy" at the beginning of a sentence and "man" at the end of it... and the words "yes we" doesn't refer to any people...
• Yuh hate to wait in long lines, a habit you adopted from the days of pushing to get into "pit" to see a movie.
• 'Priority' doesn't have anything to do with what you have to do right away.
• Yuh always turn around when someone says "Psssssssst"... except for when you make out the person first and you're duckin' them.
• Yuh say "Soooo looooong" instead of "Yes, I'm done" when somebody asked you if you finished the job already.
• Yuh have "knick knacks" all over your home... and a glass cabinet or a space saver to put them in.
• Yuh put ketchup and peppersauce on your pizza. Anchovies? Yuh lossin it or what?
• Yuh make a drink and ice cream with peanut butter but you never put it on bread with jelly... but you might put it on your dixie biscuits.
• Your cupboards are full of canned corned beef, pepper sauce and red beans and baked beans ...and a dry coconut for the pelau.
• Yuh think steak is a waste of good meat. Yuh rather cut it up and stew it with some potatoes instead ... or curry it and make roti.
• "What goin on these days?" and "I jus dey" mean "Hello, how are you?" and I'm fine" respectively.
• Yuh think your rum and Carib beer are the best in the world and you hate it when nobody heard of them.
• Yuh put ice in your beer ...and you chew the ice when you're finished with the beer.
• Yuh say "Old Years' night"
• "Dis August holidays" actually start in July.
• Yuh show disappointment / disgust by sucking on your teeth (steupsing)
• Yuh still call a soda a "sweet drink" and an avocado, a "zaboca"
• Yuh go to the shoprite clerk and ask them "whe allyuh have de breez?" meaning "where is the laundry detergent?".
• Yuh say "whappenin" even at a funeral.
• Yuh tell the host "Good Night" when you arrive at someone's home in the evening.
• Yuh wash the "wares" after having dinner.
• When someone sympathises with you, you comment "Yuh think it easy?"
• Yuh refer to all sweet coloured juice as "Kool-Aid"
• Yuh call a quarter a "schilling" when this really means 24 cents.
• Yuh know that using "blue" makes white clothes whiter.
• Just because something is called a "bake" you don't assume that it indicates the way it was cooked.
• Yuh have at least one relative living in either England, Canada, or the US.
• Yuh know that a washy-kong bears no relationship to King Kong.
• Yuh have cancelled plans because of rain even when you're going to be indoors ...Rain is also a legitimate reason to be late for a rendez-vous... or to miss work.
• Yuh know someone with a gold tooth.
• Yuh know someone with their name either on their belt buckle or their chain.
• All vaccinations are called injections.
• Yuh are able to recite at least one (or several) line(s) from Sesame Street.
• Yuh have been to at least one party where you have seen the sun rise.
• Yuh know the meanings of: "washing wares"; "straightening a room"; "bodice"; "sucking yuh teeth"; "cut-eye"; "hot foot"; "bouff".
• All dish washing detergents are called "Squeezy".
• Yuh still give people (youself included) "meggies".
• A rubber is an eraser.
• Yuh know of at least one person who wakes up at 4am to LISTEN to cricket from Australia / New Zealand on the RADIO.
• Yuh can feel cold when it's 25°C.
• No matter how old you are, you still call your parents Mummy and Daddy.
• Yuh still eat fries with ketchup AND MUSTARD.
• Yuh call fries "chips".
• Yuh pronounce words in plural, even though it's meant to be singular, eg."gimme ah COKES" or "ah GRAPES".
• Yuh say "FLIM" (film), "AXE" (ask) or "PITIAH"(picture), "STATELLITE" (satellite), "CUTLASH" (cutlass). .
• Yuh know what "Wukking a 10-days" is, and know darn well it's going to take much longer than 10 days.
• Yuh know that a lime is not necessarily a fruit.
• Yuh call little kids "po po" or "betah" and your girl/boyfriends "daahlin" or "punkin".
• Yuh call any 'older' woman "Tantie" and any 'older' man "Uncle", regardless of whether or not they are related to you or even know you.
• Yuh could sing an entire Parang song in Spanish word for word, but don't speak or understand a word of Spanish.
• Yuh know who "Anansi" and "Papa Bois" are.
• Yuh love Soca and know the meanings of RAMAJAY and DINGOLAY.
• When in doubt of how to prepare something to eat ... CURRY is the always the solution.
• Yuh know Trinis will curry any and everything (not just meat) even mango, fish, conch, chataigne, etc...
• Yuh can take anything and make "chow" with it.
• Yuh know what "chow" is.
• Yuh can call your fellow "countryman" by an ethnic name and it would be ok, eg. chinee-man, creole, doegs, or pyol.
• When you ask for PEPPER you don't mean ground black pepper.
• Yuh get "licks" already with a guava whip :(
  

When the moon hits your eye ...

This is sooo funny i'll be singing it all day long now....



When the moon hits your eye,
Like a big pizza pie,
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand,
And that's not what you planned,
That's a moray.

When our habits are strange,
And our customs deranged,
That's our mores.

When your horse chews dried grass,
And then begs for more, alas,
That's some more hay.

When your sheep go to graze,
In a damp marshy place,
That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine,
And you tie up her line,
That's a moor, eh?

When Othello's poor wife,
Becomes stabbed with a knife,
That's a Moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests,
Like you did all the rest,
That's some more A's!

When on Mt. Cook you see,
A long aborigine,
That's a Maori.

When your chocolate graham
Is so full and so crammed,
That s'more, eh?

The world is not enough...

More like the food in the world is not enough... people just greedy i think. I never thought that i would be alive when the four horsemen of the apocalypse rides out of the depths of hell, when i was younger i always thought that i would be dead long time now and feel happy that i wouldn't have to witness the suffering or be part of it, but here we see the beginning of famine, then the other three horsemen will emerge...makes me genuinely scared and i don't scare easily ( unless of course you count zombies) I'm writing this and all i can think about is X-Men, yup x-men...lol.. you know the episode where apocalypse made four mutants his horsemen ..war...famine...pestilence..death...but the x-men defeated them...where's the superhero team now? We got none so i guess we're screwed. One good thing that this has brought about is changing my way of thinking, I'm no longer caught up in myself...or problems which lead to depression... i tend to think that there are much more bigger problems out there and pretty soon they will be affecting me in one way or the other so i might as well enjoy my life as much as i can before the hammer drops... that means appreciating the people in my life, and the small things that bring a smile to my face.

Bleh

My jolly good mood has dissipated :( yea it sucks... people don't know the effects of words, how does the saying go... sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? How wrong is that saying.. words do hurt, it actually hurts more than the sticks and stones hitting you. My happy mood bubble burst because of one line that someone told me " you'll never be good for anyone" hmmm or was it " you'll never be good enough for someone to like you" whatever the exact words was, it hurt... it's still hurting me right now... i hate humans

Wordless

Feel my heart beat...I'm alive
Breathing silently as i sit next to you
Turning away from the day, falling into the night
Lying next to you silent...

A thousand thoughts race across my mind, yet i lay unmoving
To trust: is to tear away the armor that i wear
To be naked...
Scars of a tormented past revealed for you to see
Yet i lay there reticent looking into your eyes...

Words do not come, my voice finds no ears
Soundless breathing, wordless courage chasing away my fears
My mind stops suddenly....
" I love you" the words escape my parted lips
Floating through the air like a feather caught in the wind
Swirling, tugging, going wherever the wind will take it....

This one thing....

Today i feel super awesome, for real .... hmm dunno why i feel like this, but enjoying it to the max. Yesterday i saw my gf, after what felt like ages and we spent some quality time together and i got to say every time i get together with this girl, i feel as if I'm falling in love all over again, it's such a thrill ride. Have you ever found music on your P.C that you didn't know you had? It happens to me all the time, guess that comes with downloading any and everything, sometimes i would hear a song on the radio and be like hmmmm i got to get that off the net, then search for it for hours only to discover that it was on my P.C all the time. This morning i found "One Thing" by Ameire , that song kills, i was like dancing in my room... everything was going fine, until my sis walked in... a guy dancing around to that song isn't the best sight..lol.., she was like boy u crazy that's the song you'll prance around too? I was like yeah its a kool song, and she was like yeah if you're a girl in love...lol.. didn't know songs had genders..lol.. i was of course a bit embarrassed but i just grabbed her hands and proceeded to jump around with her, she joined in for like a min before she grabbed my gel and ran out...sisters...

Marvellous Monday

Ahhhh yes Monday once again, the weekend came and flew by , i actually didn't do anything interesting unless you count the PC repairs class i attended and it rocked, i got like 5pages of notes from a 3hour class, is that normal or am i just too enthusiastic? either way i had a good time. And today Monday i saw my gf ... ( cheers and applause) yes i did, i went into P.O.S to see about my Passport and we met, even if it was for like 10mins , it was the best ten mins ever , i even got her a small present to let her know that i miss her... I'm walking on air now...

Baby come back

Ever feel like you're slipping away from reality , that you are being pulled into a dream world?? Thats how i feel today, like my life is a waking dream, filled with horror, comedy, drama and sometimes romance... guess it could be a movie. But i feel like I'm missing something, like I'm not doing something right that will obviously come back and bite me in the ass...i just can't seem to put my finger on it. Maybe its my relationship with my friends- am i neglecting them?, or my family- why am i always angry around them? maybe its my spiritual side - am i being caught up in the material world and neglecting that divine spark within me? , maybe its my gf - why am i always so scared to talk to her, to let her know whats on my mind?...am i losing myself but if i am where am i being lost to? All these questions i have to seriously sit and find some answers.

Run fatboi Run

Yesterday i went to the movies to see Run Fatboy Run and i have to say that i really enjoyed that movie... it wasn't spectacular , no special effects , no big dramatic storyline...it was a simple romantic story with good acting and some laughs in between. About a guy who gave up on love only to realize that its what he really wanted all along ( I'm not going to put a review, I'm not a movie critic) It was good to finally see a movie that didn't leaving me wondering huh what the hell just happened. I realized something while i was in the theater Thandie Newton is really pretty, reminds me of Halle Berry, but halle will always be my number one only because she was Storm in X-men..lol...Missed my gf the movie made me think about her, there was even an empty seat next to me for her..lol.. i weird like that..

Love is the ultimate weapon

Yesterday my bro pointed out to me that Love is the ultimate weapon, and if you could have a superpower make it Love, i was like WTF are you talking about, he then pointed out somethings that made lots of sense.

You can kill a person with love

Love can trap someone

Love can cause someone to become immobile

Love can move mountains

Love makes you immortal

Love is understood in all languages

Loves travels at the speed of light

Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough that can keep u from love

You can't hide from love

There was of course alot more but i can't seem to remember them, but he's right...Love is the ultimate superpower... it does the 3 basic things seeks out evildoers,immobilizes them and then kill em.

Time

Its been so long since i put an update here, i have alot of pics to post, but my net is still down at home- i frickin HATE tstt, but i have no other choice but to wait.... neways, the weekend was awesome really busy, we had a fund raising BBQ for my uncle who's going for eye surgery and it was a success on Saturday, then later my gf and i spent some much needed time together, in the night i hung out with my cousins until way late... we had lots of laughs, we always do. Sunday was by far the best, it was rainy all day long so that alone made it a great day, but the icing on the cake was- i played in the rain all day, yup i did..lol.. it was heavenly.... cricket, catch, hide n seek, all soaking wet can't get much better than that, thankfully none of us got sick. About math, i'm finally putting some effort into it... hopefully i wont lose the zeal that has so suddenly come.

Its raining, its raining

Hooray its rainy today, well sort of... its hasn't actually rained yet but its dark outside and the air smells of moisture so pretty soon if i lucky the rain will come. Kinda like my mood today, damp and down... why u ask, maybe cause i haven't heard from my gf since yesterday...hmm maybe i shouldn't let it affect me like this after all she is probably busy with work. Am i finally beginning to understand math? , i think so all thanks to one of my best friends Nikeda , that girl has sooo much patience it amazes me, cause sometimes i feel as if i ask the dumbest questions.... like i would ask why on earth would i add those two figures together, and she was like cause thats what they told u to do and i would be like o rite...lol.. i think I'm finally getting it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to pass, it just means that i wont fail as badly.

10 things that pisses me off...again

I'm in a ten things mood, so here's some random stuff that gets me angry

1. People who stare at u dead in the face when you enter a room and doesn't stop staring until u sit down.

2. People who hate cheesecake

3. People who brag about hating cheesecake to everyone they meet

4. Fizzy water, its not water if its fizzy people

5. People who think books are boring, what do u want the book to do bark and flip over? Open it, read, use your imagination...sheesh

6. Almond, or any kind of nut in ice cream , thats just plain wrong... cookies yes- nuts no...

7. Barney...yes the purple, overweight, overly hyper Dinosaur

8. People with fake accents, so you were abroad for a month that doesn't automatically qualify you to have that accent.

9. ON the subject of fake... fake people... that includes, eyes, butt, breast, height, and most of all personality...

10. Lack of care for the environment , that includes just dropping your garbage all over the place, even gum wrappers.

Wicked Wednesday

Its Wednesday once again, so that equals Me vs Wednesday and I've been kicking its ass...lol.. Well not really... this morning i was mistaken for a giant mosquito, for some reason some assholistic driver of the fog van ( you know the one that goes around spraying mosquitoes) decided that he wanted to spray me with the mist, here's how it went down , i was at the side of the street waiting for my bro, when this van comes from the opposite direction shooting out the mist and i thought the guy would have turned into the street but he just kept driving forward and i was in the way and next thing i knew i was engulfed in the mist.... talk about cuss... i cuss and cuss and cuss, i wanted to pick up a stone and buss that man windshield but i didn't , i just cuss.. thank god there was some breeze that blew the mist away else i would have died. Wasn't a good start eh, but then i got to work and called my babes, and things just went up from there...hmmmm the power of love... i feel so happy... so take that Wednesday...bee-otch !! O and to the driver of the van i highly doubt u read my blog or can read for that matter but just to satisfy my mind you're an asshole!!!

10 Random things about me...again

1. I'm very superstitious, i will only cut my nails on a Tuesday cause its said to bring good luck
2. I love to eat dhal dumpling for some reason...
3. When i have a discussion i always laugh/ grin even if its death we are talking about
4. I like jumping on beds
5. Sesame Street songs are always running through my head
6. I fall down at least once a month, cause i trip over my own feet
7. I get depressed at a drop of a hat, if someone didn't return my call I'll feel like jumping off a building
8. I love Spongebob and wish that he really existed we would be best friends
   
9. I always pretend that i have powers like Storm from X-men, "I summon the full force of the hurricane" then i proceed to make my own sound effects
10. I always get carded anywhere i go, although i'm above 18..lol.. a curse and a blessing.

Missing my net access

Sometimes i just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up, I have not gotten my phone line fixed as yet, i just got off the with the ALMIGHTY Tstt and they have yet to assign a technician to fix my line and its been like a month now... i guess I'll have to keep calling until something happens after all i don't have a choice right? I'm at their mercy, like a cat toying with a mouse. I have like a million picture i want to upload and this connection at work isn't fast enough, so its like uggh, but the good thing that came out of this is that i have more time on my hands to do the stuff i was neglecting like reading, writing, photoshop, meditating, exercising, playing, laughing, sleeping, now that i look at it do i really want my net access back..lol..

Monday, Tuesday, Panday, Wednesday....

I don't like to get polictial....wait i lie, i like to have a nice political debate every now and again, but i cant remain silent on Panday anymore... I opened up the Express this morning and there is Mr. Panday wanting to help the vendors of Charlotte St. I'm for helping people and stuff, but come on these are the same people who wouldn't spit on you for elections, and now you want to be the voice for their cause? When will you learn that people should reap what they sow, if it was I in that position i would leave them so that they may fight for themselves, cause they like it so...what was it people used to say PNM till i die.... well now that they back in power death may come sooner than u think with the constantly rising food prices and of course the criminals that seem to be running the country....i know i harsh.

Sending some prayers

My good friend Kisha's Dad is ill, and that has her very worried and in turn has me worried. He is currently experiencing some kidney problems and yesterday had to have his appendix removed, if it was my dad i would probably be in a state of deep depression, but not Kisha, she is still the happy go lucky girl she's always been ... either that or she sure knows how to hide her fear, but in either case she's a strong person and that had an even stronger belief in god. I just wanted to send some positive thoughts her way and let her know that it'll all work out in the end so no stress.

My muse, my muse

I thought my muse left me, either that or someone stole them, or musenapped them... but they're back!!! O yeah who the person that rocks? I do ..lol.. I feel creative i actually did some photoshop work and i wrote my first poem in like over a month.... I know what inspired me, but i will not say don't want to come off to mushy..lol.. but lets just say that I'm back and it feels o so good, now i can really start writing and photoshopping to make up for lost time.

Thanks

Today i wanna thank my gf, yup u heard right I'm thanking my gf... I know i have been acting like a dick lately, i don't have any excuses for my attitude and i don't want to make any, i just wanna say sorry. I used to think spending time with each other meant that we had to go out, or spend the day together, but u made me realize that every minute we get to hang out together counts as time together, i wanna say thanks for that. Here i was thinking that you didn't want to see me, when it actually i who was preventing us from being together, thank god we talked and i know now.....I decided to make a change, in my attitude, to stop seeing the glass as half full and start thinking of ways to drink the water in it..lol.. i care for my gf alot, more than i care about anything right now, but sometimes i feel as if my actions speaks otherwise....She's so understanding, i hope i come off as being just as . Today i feel like a completely different person and its all because of her, no one ever had this kind of effect on me... to pull me out of that dark abyss that i was on the edge of, its weird sometimes i feel like i shouldn't share my problems with her, but then in my mind i would switch sides and if she was going through stress i would like to share her burden with her, after all 2 people sharing one weight makes it that much lighter. Hmmm i could go on and on, but the fact is I'm in love with her and i care for her more than i can express, i just wanted to say thanks for being there for me and u can be sure that I'm always here for you.

OMG Day

Today is soo not my day, no not because its Monday...i actually like Monday gives me an opportunity to laugh at people who hates it, but today has not been going well at all, first i was supposed to go apply for my passport but that fell through, so i have to go tomorrow instead and i was just informed that it takes 6 wks to process, OMFG 6 whole weeks and i really need it for May to go to a conference in St. Lucia if i don't go it will soooooo suck ass. So i faked sick this morning to get out of work, but since it fell through, i called and say the "pills" i took working so I'm coming to work, so here i am. On my way to work ( i walk) the rains came , and not just the regular kind of rain, this rain came with lots of wind, that blew my umbrella out of my hand and down the road, so i had to run after it, i did catch up with it to the amusement of people sitting in their cars, so there i am holding on for dear life to this umbrella and the wind just kept picking up practically pushing me 2 steps back for every one step forward i took, then all of a sudden the umbrella snaps shut over me, the rain was there beating down on me, so i had to fight against the wind trying to open back this stupid umbrella, so finally it opens but for the rest of the way to work i had to struggle to keep it open. Lets just say i got to work wet, my shoes was soaked, but luckily i have another pair here. But u know what pissed me off the most, it wasn't the fact that i was wet, or my umbrella betrayed me, no i could live with that, i got to work and lo and behold the rain stops and out comes the lovely sun in all his glory. I get to work, and while coming down the stairs, my shoe somehow gets tangled on my pants and down i tumble , one, two, three, four stairs i stumble on, then i just jumped i wasn't about to let myself fall head first down the stairs, i jumped over what seemed like 5 stairs and landed on my feet at the bottom....I'm convinced now that i am indeed a ninja either that or all the pretending i do has really paid off...lol.. I dunno i think i'm going to sit at my desk for the rest of the day, where it is safe, yes safe is good....o snap i forgot my lunch home...I hate today!!!!

Whatever it takes by LIfehouse

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it take

Perfectly Imperfect

Yup thats me perfectly imperfect, I'm not saying that i take pride in my imperfections, but somehow my imperfections make me feel special, unique...I do not strive to be perfect like most people in this world, i do however strive to be human, to relish in the sensations that make me human, the emotions that i try so hard to suppress begs to be released, but to release it will make me vulnerable. So what do i do? Should i keep them inside and continue living life in the somewhat robotic nature that i have developed, or do i take the risk? Ahhh yes the great mysteries of life!!! I feel trapped, i feel like i have trapped myself by bottling my emotions, my opinions... I'm tired i don't know what to write anymore...

Alone

Today i feel alone, like I'm literally by myself in this material world, no family, no friends, no one to talk to.... i think I'm getting depressed, actually I'm a bit depressed already. Why do i get this way? Do i have some sort of chemical imbalance? Maybe i worry too much, about the stuff thats going on in my life, the direction its taking, where i want to be , where I'm going, MATH how come i just don't seem to get it,my phone line is down and it doesn't look like its going to be repaired soon, my gf how come we drifting apart, my family seems to be falling apart at the seams and my friends seems to have abandoned me in my time of need, so am i really truly alone? Or am i just looking at the glass as half full? These thoughts run through my head keeping me awake at night, i know i should talk to someone about it but the thing is i cant seem to get hold of someone to talk to and when i do finally speak to someone they are in a such good mood that i don't want to bring them down with my problems, but how do i deal with this by myself?!!! I think i found the reason why I'm feeling down. The stress has become too much to handle, and when my sleep is affected its something serious cause nothing i can remember has ever affected my sleep, o wait i lie one thing kept me up for weeks , but i wont go through that here, but lets just say it was a period in my life that i would never like to repeat or ever wish upon anyone. Auggghhhh my head hurts. Usually i would write poetry to get my feelings out, but my creativity is lost, i don't feel creative at all, its like someone stole it form me...i feel empty inside, i haven't done anything creative in a long while, makes me sad actually...someone better come soon and pull me out of this else I'm going to fall into a pit of darkness and who knows i may not be able to climb out again, yes i have fallen in that pit before took all my strength to come out and the way I'm right now i don't have the strength to claw myself out of there. On the bright side of this....who am i kidding it has no bright side, just me slowing being sucked into the coldness of my life. The weather seems to be reflecting my mood, it has become overcast and outside looks bleak, i hope it doesn't rain now while I'm in work, i want the rains to come when I'm home so i could go outside and stand in it, if anything in the world can bring peace to my troubled mind its the feel of those cold tiny drops on my body maybe because for the time I'm there I'm not there if you know what i mean, i get lost in the sound of the rain, in the feel of it...so for a brief period I'm not me, I'm just part of the rain, the giver of life, part of the smell, part of the coldness....I'm not me, thats why it makes me happy, cause i could pretend that I'm not bound to this plane, that i only have one purpose, to nourish the earth. But then the rain would stop and reality would come rushing back to me and once again I'd be struggling against myself to keep my head above water. And there the rain falls now, so its like everything is against me, no retribution for this wolf. Hopefully i can get some chocolate in my system today. Wow I've written alot , i actually feel a bit better hopes the feeling lasts.....

Update

Ok its been almost a month since TSTT screwed me over ( and not a good screw) , my phone is still not working, so of course now i have to depend on my job not only for money but also for net access, so its lunchtime and I'm using it not for eating but to update my blog..lol.. which is more important? I have alot of things to write about but remarkably none of it comes to mind right now, good thing when i'm at home i type up my posts, so as soon as i get back net there will be alot of updates...woohoo, but for now i'm all boohoo, thanks TSTT, thanks a whole freaking lot.