Wipe the slate clean....

I am indeed my own worse enemy....seems something inside my mind loves the feeling of spiraling down a bottomless pit. I just came off yahoo mail, which i have not used in ages, but there i am, signing in for some reason, since no one knows of this address.. i wasn't expecting any emails...and i was right..lol.. flipping through the old read mails and i come across all the mails my ex and i used to exchange...instead of deleting it, i start reading...and now I'm down.... didn't go through all of it just random ones but a pattern formed, after all the lovey dovey stuff ...the anger from her side was seeping through the words,... i go to the sent items ..and there i am writing love emails to her, excusing her for the behaviour she continues to portray...i feel sick now, why was i that stupid and such a coward, to have stayed in that relationship even though the girl was treating me like crap, we practically fought everyday, but i was still forgiving, and reading those emails now....its embarrassing to know i open myself up to one person like that and then to be kicked in the balls. Its weird how we went from complete strangers, to friends, to more than friends and now back to complete strangers. The life cycle of love eh. Thoughts are now running through my head, and its breaking me down, slowly...i don't want to feel like this...it just shows that she has some sort of power over me, and i don't want her to even have the satisfaction of a memory from me. I'm wiping the slate clean, no more shall i remember that period, just the lessons taught and learnt...right now ....i have so much better things in my life....