Calling out...

Life it comes at you fast, spins you around, slows down the blood in your veins and squeezes your heart and punishes your soul....I've always wondered when i would grow up, when my attitude would change...what mind boggling situation would happen to cause me to step forward as a confident individual who would hold the reins and shout "heyay" , it happened today ...i don't want to go into details of the situation, cause reliving it is too painful...but i need to get it out of my system...to purge the insanity from my mind..but where do i start to write, where does the story begin, where does the hurt start and where does it end...where does the forgiveness step in. The situ came up and i fucking shocked myself, any other person would freak the hell out but there i was the three of us sitting and talking and instead of me crying, screaming, freaking out...i had the most calm demeanor, getting things into perspective...breathing ...he said he was with her for 6 wks ...i didn't know anything...we have been together for 5 mnths....she said it was a mistake...i say we are only human...the words escaped my mouth and i realized that at this moment i was no longer a child, i was a man... i wasn't hysterical, i didn't want to beat the other guy up, i wasn't angry...i was numb but yet i was more verbal than anything, always in the same cool, calm tone that sounded as if someone else was there speaking to all three of us, then wen he left and it was just the two of us, it hit ...shock waves after shock waves...i was hurt, betrayed, i wanted to scream so loud, my heart was broken...i cried...i composed myself... i looked into her eyes...she was just as hurt as i was ...