Drops on my rooftop

Its 2.06am , the rain is falling on my rooftop, the night is wonderful...the sky lights up before every crack of thunder...am i dreaming? This is what i have been yearning for, days on end i would dream of nights like these...simply perfect....i realized something, just now ...no matter how much my friends think they know me, they actually don't...no one knows me. But today i felt like i could finally open myself up to someone, like finally show the real me and not be afraid of being judged. I fell cared for, for once in my life I'm happy, I'm giving into happiness...part of me doesn't want to and then part of me is saying one life to live man. Every time i give into the feeling of happiness, something horrible happens that just slashes it to pieces..so what do i do? Live in the past or take a chance on the future?