Stripped

Today is Tuesday, my head hurts, my night was one filled with thoughts and not much sleep, which seems to an usual me these days...but i have decided not to give in...whats the use of being depressed, i mean yeah it happens sometimes thats a given but its me who chooses to stay that way or get over it and be happy once again, i decided to be happy. I'm tired of being this way, pretending to be happy, pretending to be ok, pretending not to hurt, covering my scars, covering my face, sometimes covering my ears....writing is my outlet, my way of getting these feeling out, i don't have a bff, i don't have someone i could trust with my problems( i have my gf though, she comes pretty close), i don't have the heart to burden people with my problems, so i write, to an unknown person, someone who always listens and of course they don't come up with solutions...i have to look within myself for that. I feel guilty for the way i reacted to my sister yesterday, but what is done is done, the past is gone and the future yet to come, i feel awful also because my gf has been going through a situation also and i think that i wasn't there for her as much as i should have been, sometimes i feel like I'm such a sucky boyfriend, i try my best thats the truth...i constantly trip over my tongue when I'm talking to her, and always feel like an ass after especially when there are those moments of awkward silence... and the thing is i like to talk, some of my friends tell me i talk to much, and yet when i with her I'm dumbfounded,maybe because she takes my breath away... she's the only person i can honestly say that i'm getting to a point where i feel i could tell her anything, but i have not arrived there yet, but eventually i will..Rome wasn't built in a day... i love her more than i love the X-men and i put her above chocolate on my list....that says alot, no one in my entire lifetime ever got placed above chocolate on my list...