Uncle

I don't know where to start with this post, it's difficult to find words when my mind is spinning like this...i need to calm it down. My uncle is in the hospital well he's been there for a couple days now, but i wasn't accepting the reality of the situation, i think I'm finally grasping it...i though if i ignored it he would get better before i even noticed he was missing. Alas it's not so*sighs*. I don't know how to write this, what to say...all i know is that I'm worried and very scared, he's not well , i went to see him yesterday he didn't look all that good, he tried to keep a brave face laughing and stuff, but you could see it in his eyes that he's very worried. My aunt however refuses to hide her emtions , she cries all the time...in fact alot of my family is crying..maybe out of worry,stress, or fear of what may happen...my family seems to be doing that alot lately ..crying... first my sister and now this. I don't want my uncle to..*gulp* die, if he does it will devastate my entire clan. He means so much to me, i never actually told him..our family is not like that, but now more than ever i hope he knows...sitting at the base of his hospital bed, i was sending out the vibes, trying so hard not to break down in tears, trying to be a man about the whole thing. He was the one who imprinted in my mind that education is the key to success, that smoking is bad and always have respect for people...he was my second dad...he is my second dad...Life spins me around so much, i get confused.Everytime good things happen there always seem to be bad stuff right around the corner waiting to slap me in the face , back to reality. Thats why I'm never truly happy...i always reserve part of myself to be angry and depressed...to dwell in happiness is all that i want.But i guess thats the balance of life...good and bad...just like once you are born of this realm, you have to leave it..all of us will...its whats you do with your life that counts....