Raging out of control

I've always had a rage problem, it just been apart of me for as long as i could remember. My parents tried to punish it out of me, i think it only made it worse... was sent to see a counselor, she gave me great advice and tips for my teenage years, and the rage it was sort of contained, i still became uncontrollable at times, with teenage angst followed by massive depression... then cutting or inflicting pain on myself cause i thought i deserved it, i knew i deserved it . As i "grew up" the anger and hurt was packed away in a place deep with in me and i started to see life beyond my little box i had built, i practiced meditation, prayed alot kept myself occupied and calm...it worked for so long, but now i feel as if my rage is getting the better of me now, see this afternoon i destroyed my sim card and maybe my phone...i flung it against the wall, jumped on it- took it apart and ripped the sim card to pieces....now i sit here with my pocket knife against my skin running it up and down my hand causing deep red wells ..should i press deeper? the question swirls around mind, i hate myself right now...i hate myself so much , the part that scares me is i don't know why...