I want to just paint my face and pretend to be someone else. My past actions are so biting me in the ass right now. I accompanied a friend to her office party recently, we both got high, but she reached higher heights than me, and now i feel as if i am being blamed for her getting stone wasted drunk. Its a complicated situation, but i feel very crappy about it. I left the party thinking it was so much fun and i would so gladly do it all again, but alas in her mind it was quiet the opposite. She has distanced herself from me, and i accept that our friendship has been demoted to acquaintances . Sad but true. Cant say that I'm not hurt or that i am innocent in whatever accusations her bf or friends have brought up against me. Yeah i could have been more responsible in whatever way they saw fit but what is done is done. I'm hurting inside but I'll deal with it like i usually do.
Thats what you get wen u mix drinks...
Its the most wonderful time of the year
I missed you blog, i dunno how i got so caught up in life that i didn't make time to empty my thoughts...so now i have a mess of ideas and memories running through my head all struggling to come out first. Christmas was as expected a somber time for the family. My uncle was sorely missed, as the looks on every one's faces told the unbelievable truth that he was indeed gone. I spent as much of the day as possible surrounded by the ones that mean the most to me, my GF included, this being our first Christmas together i tried my best to make it ever so special, but i fell short in my mind, i wanted everything to be so perfect but i just wasn't in the full Christmas mood. She got me a TV and a 2gb mem card for my camera, i was stunned..i was speechless for a while, then the excitement took over and i was jumping up and down like a little school girl....now i got my own television for my PS2...yay...i'm ashamed to say of what i got her, its no where near as awesome as her gifts..but its the thought that counts right?..i hope to god so. I know tears are going to be shed for the new years, I'm just mentally preparing myself not to cry, but i am going to take a minute of silence. A whole new year ahead.....scary and exciting at the same time, all i can do is hope that i survive it.
All in the eyes 2
Its morning and i am in work, earlier than usual, i can smell that today is going to be one long , dreadful day. I woke up with a splitting headache, and an attitude to match its constant pounding. My eyes can hardly open for i fear to look at the world, so for now i have that droopy the dog look. Crappy is how i feel, and my co worker here is not helping, while i am typing away she's proceeding to ramble on about he ever shifting love life juggling 3 guys at the same time. Which just reminded me that morals aren't what they used to be. I feel like i am fighting a losing battle trying to preach my view of being faithful, but she scoffs at it , mainly because her first bf cheated on her, so now it seems she's on the warpath. I could never see myself taking that stance even though i was cheated on by my ex and my current gf , and i have been advised by my "friends" that i should get revenge, i can't possibly see myself doing that, i confess that I'm a sucker for fairy tales and never heard of prince charming cheating on Cinderella with some hussy. I don't have the guts or heart to do it either. I should stop worrying about other people stances on this , and just concentrate on mines, but where does that leave the future generation when they are constantly being bombarded with images that having 2 persons in your life is ok. Even just now i heard a message from the ministry of health promoting condoms, but how do they decide to do this? A guy taking 2 calls on his phone on with girl A and the other with girl B , he's going to visit each on the same night. Arrrgh it sickens me. But that's just me, for some people sex is just sex and for others dreams of a meaningful relationship have all but been extinguished by an earlier heartache.
All in the eyes...
I have so many things i want to post here, so many thoughts running through my head like i wanna explode. Good stuff bad stuff a mixture i would say. But where shall i start ?, i guess i can blog about the present and work my way backwards, that would work. I am feeling really crummy right now, hurt actually...i look back on my past and i cringe with regret. I wish there was some way i could go back and stop myself from making all those mistakes with my ex, the main mistake being getting together with her. I was a novice at relationships, i still consider myself one at this point in time but gaining experience points as the days pass by. She cheated on me the whole two years we were together, looking back it all makes sense, all the constant accusations i used to encounter from her, it was her way of somehow covering her tracks. I was soo stupid. I am angry with myself for being so stupid. My gut feeling always is right but i never listen because i love to believe the good in people will overcome the evil , somewhere along the line i failed to realize that not everyone was brought up with my sense of value and morals. Case in point i asked a couple friends what were their thoughts on cheating, the replies were along this line....if it happen once it's not cheating....if no feelings are involved, its not considered cheating....if you have an itch scratch it, one life to live....its never cheating, unless you get caught....and the best one...everyone does it....after hearing the opinions, i wonder to myself if i am a dying breed of person that still be lives that once you are involved, you should try your utmost best to resist temptation.I still have more to write on this but i will continue tomorrow, i am way sleepy right now and to down :( to continue
Conflict
What does it take, to let you know that all i ever want and need is the truth? I'm a straightforward person, i don't make up elaborate stories to cushion people from the truth. If i did something, or intend to do something, i say it. Its my actions and i am solely responsible for them. Sometimes i wonder if the values of humans have changed, sometimes i wonder how other people see me?Hostile, dumb, nerdy, a hopeless person, introvert, mental case? Maybe all of the above. Who knows what runs through a person's head. I just prefer people to be truthful around me, if I'm bothering you, all you have to say is hey I'm busy , I'll see you around. I wouldn't take offense. Its when someone, say's hey i have to go for lunch now, and you see them walking in the opposite direction of the lunch room then i take offense...why the lie? Just be politely straight as much as possible. If only it was a perfect world. What am i talking about? lol.... my gf and i had a fight, its petty stuff but with her it cuts deep, have u ever cared for someone so much it scares you, therefore when that person offends you, the slightest of things can hurt the most, i guess that's where maturity steps in , you have to be mature enough to know you are blowing things out of proportion, mature in your thinking to realize that the other person maybe clueless as to what offended you, mature enough to know to accept being wrong, but most importantly mature enough to discuss and resolve. That's in fact what I'm trying to do right now, but for some reason i always feel like the big bad wolf, she readily accepts blame, but that's just cosmetic to prevent a discussion from happening. You know whats the most difficult part its trying to let the person see your point of view, which is sometimes nearly impossible. So i just caved in and decided to just let things be as. She takes some blame, i take some, story ends. But I'm left to think, all i wanted was the truth. Relationships are hard work, but i think it'll be worth it in the end.
Its the most wonderful time of the year
I cant believe that its December already!!! Ahhhh it makes me happy like i wanna jump up and down and scream, it also makes me sad, cause pretty soon January will be here and the wonderful season of Christmas will soon be over. I love Christmas its my favest holiday.....i don't know why i love it so, maybe the decorations, the joyful look on people faces, the songs of peace and good will, the food, the toys, the smells, the sounds.....its everything..the most defining Christmas moment is after the tree has been decorated, just to crawl under it and see the lights, the little decorations swinging in the ever so slight wind, how the colors just blend in with each other ...so peaceful. That's Christmas.
The Mighty Manning
What the old people in my family says is true, in fact most of the things old people say tend to be true..Book sense can never be better than common sense. Take for instance the fact that Manning has decided to halt funds to build schools, hospitals, and new houses and instead decided to continue the infamous CEPPEP and URP programmes...he also made it ever so clear that there will be no wage cuts for him and the entire Parliament. Case proven. He chooses to neglect the people of the nation once again, i just had a thought whatever happened to those mega farms that they were so intent to get off the ground? Its sad that the people of this nation have no backbone, me included...i try my best to do my part to ease the stress of my fellow man by being mannerly as much as possible cause everyone is so angry these days...i shop around for the best prices and don't splurge on anything, that's my way of preventing( better word is cushioning) the recession effect on myself. But the bigger picture is , well , so much bigger. I guess this is the view of everyone, its too big to think about, i wish someone would step forward and lead the people. All i can do is bitch about it in cyberspace. But seriously Manning is fucked up.
Wat a wknd
This weekend started off boring i didn't do anything but today i went mall hopping and was plunged into the spirit of Christmas, decorations really does make a difference. I love it, took like a million pics some of which i will put up here. Its late now and i have to go to bed, today i also confessed something to my other half, that i thought would have devastated our relationship, but it didn't ..just goes to show that god knows why he matched you with someone .
The Lonely Wolf
He sits atop the midnight mountain, looking out at the grass
Lonely and bleeding this wolf hides from his past
His howls and cries they echo from atop to the moorland shore
He's wounded, bruised and battered crouching on the floor
Alone he lies there faintly breathing, don't know how long he'll last
A scared and confused wolf, running from his past.
The clouds they gather above him, blocking out the moon
His only hope for redemption, will all be gone soon
The angry rain upon him, adding to the pain
A lonely wolf that's wounded will never be the same
His moans of anger and anguish, is drowned out by the sound of the tiny raindrops falling
Hitting the cold hard ground
He gives into his destiny, letting go of all the shame.
A lonely wolf unmoving will never be here again.
Anger
Anger is boiling in me right now, i feel as if i could just smash something..usually its my cellphone that gets the brunt of my brutality but i'm keeping it far away as possible.Water gone, it always goes after 6, and the time i choose to shower is after 6, gosh i am so fucked up...everyday i tell myself shower early before it's cut off and everyday i have to full water and bathe from a bucket. I hate it. I am currently experiencing some difficulties at home which just adds to my stress and sends little anger demons in my head. I feel as if i need to run away from this place, these people. Where is my happy place....o yea , a green meadow, with the wind blowing gently, a large tree i can sit under, a river running close by, birds flying over head...aaahhhhhhh heaven.If only i can go there now
A Lonely Wolf
He sits atop the midnight mountain, looking out at the grass
Lonely and bleeding this wolf hides from his past
His howls and cries they echo from atop to the moorland shore
He's wounded, bruised and battered crouching on the floor
Alone he lies there faintly breathing, don't know how long he'll last
A scared and confused wolf, running from his past.
The clouds they gather above him, blocking out the moon
His only hope for redemption, will all be gone soon
The angry rain upon him, adding to the pain
A lonely wolf that's wounded will never be the same
His moans of anger and anguish, is drowned out by the sound of the tiny raindrops falling
Hitting the cold hard ground
He gives into his destiny, letting go of all the shame.
A lonely wolf unmoving will never be here again.
Still Upset
I thought i was healed this morning, but as soon as i got off the bed i knew that my stomach was still sick. I threw up again, this sucks, I'm am so scared to throw up i have the fear that i would choke and die, cause i sometimes forget to breathe, more than once i find myself gasping for breath between throw up's. I dealing with this the best way i know how, by drinking lots of tea and club soda. So far it not working!!! I drank a chicken corn soup last night, i was craving it, it helped me so much, i slept like a log. It was yummyyyyyy. Today I'm just gonna take it easy and not move around too much.
My Birthday weekend...
Twas my birthday on Saturday and unlike many birthdays before this, i spent it in a happy mood. Took a trip down Mayaro with my GF to spend the weekend. At first i was a bit worried that my mood would fluctuate and i would be plunged into a dark abyss remembering the birthdays gone by where not even my mom would tell me happy bday, but i have to honestly say i made a genuine, conscious effort to be positive. And when the morning of Saturday came , i was in a good mood. My GF however was sick, was fate i say, that on my birthday when i thought i would be the one being taken care of, i was taking care of her, didn't mind at all actually. I spent some time alone on the beach quietly reflecting on my life gone by and my life to come, was very relaxing to just sit in the shade of a coconut tree look out at the ocean and thank god for life. I played a bit in the sand, threw some rocks in the water and almost hit the lifeguard that was walking by...lol.. when that happened i decided to go back to the resort. Later in the evening 2 Friends stopped by and surprised me with a cake, i was taken aback with this kind gesture. I cooked dinner,yup i made burgers and fires :), spent the rest of the night cuddled up next to my sick hunny. All in all it was a quiet, well spent birthday. O yea while on the beach i decided that i wanted to be alive and I'm glad i am.
A wonder
People like to complain, including myself its just the way we are, but what pisses me off is when we complain over and over about something say for instance... the government and yet do absolutely nothing about it. The people on the street ( i don't know what street) have had it with this PNM gov't so the polls say but you the know ironic thing is if an election was called today and the results were given out tonite, the PNM would win again...yup that's the truth and we all know it.
Sick
I have this terrible stomach flu that makes me not keep down anything, i just ate a chicken corn soup and I'm trying my best to keep it in. All i want to feel is better, i don't like being sick :(
I vex
Some fool left my bedroom door open, the rain came in and now my mat is wet. Now i have a wet smelly mat.
Wet smelly mat, why did they do that to you
Wet smelly mat, now i cant wipe my feet on you
How do you feel...
Wet smelly mat lying on the floor
The first thing i stepped on when i walked thru the door
My feet went squish and u went ow
The water hit my feet like pow
How do u feel.....
I have way too much free time on my hands...lol....
Helping Someone
My friend Candy broke up with her boyfriend. Her first serious one, so serious that she decided to give herself to him. Now she is broken cause they split, he was cheating on her. She called me for comfort and i honesty didn't know what to say, i was a bit dumbfounded at first but then i realized hey this is Candy, so i talked crap and it worked at the end of the conversation she was laughing her head off. But i did tell her to try and forgive herself first and then him, no sense in holding on to bitterness, take the lesson and move on. It has brighter things in the future, i know this will not pull her out of her heartbreak, but i really hoped it helped, i wish there was more i could have done. I'll check on her tomorrow. Life, weird how it works ...
Giggles
I have tickles, yup i finally found them after umpteen years of being emotionless when people stick their fingers on my ribs and rub in an up and down motion, it just annoyed me....i was dead, alot of them being surprised would seek out other parts of my body that would hopefully make me giggle, but none seemed to exist, not even under my feet, but these days I laugh and i love it......i guess i finally have a reason to to.
This week
This week better fly its ass fast, cause once Friday evening come i will be on my way to Mayaro for a very well deserved weekend of rest and relaxation. *sigh* i can't wait to see the sunrise on Saturday, a very special day for me. Its my Birthday.....I'll write more about that later, right now sleep is calling and i am so ready to answer.
Get Well
My gf is sick, I'm concerned, the doctor said it could be Dengue..tomorrow she is going for the blood test but so far she has the symptoms, her fever is rising and down like a see saw. One minute its high up and the next it is way down. Chills, back aches, painful muscles...OMG i am officially worried, people die from this...gosh...I hope she gets better soon. I miss her :(
Weekend thoughts
Life is too short. Don't wait for everything to be in place to start enjoying your life, don't wait till there is enough money in the bank, don't wait till after exams, don't will till u get a little older.... just enjoy it now. It sounds simple enough but alas it is one of the most difficult things to do, life happens and its up to the individual to accept it as positive or negative. I've been told by many people, ones close to me that i am a negative person. It struck me hard when my GF told me that the other day. I always saw myself as striving to be positive, but i guess i still outwardly portray myself as Eeyore...o dear, I'll just sit here and wait for the rain to fall, seeing as i don't have a house or anything...lol....i'm trying my best to look at the good in things, but its so difficult .... who knew being positive would be so much work, but i have made a decision to make a valid effort to see the glass as half full. So here goes......
Focus
I hate just going through the day with out a purpose, i decided to write down what i need to do for ME...not for work ( i have a list for that already) I wanna accomplish something meaningful each day, even if its something simple like avoiding fatty snacks, (that will be an accomplishment for me) or talking to a friend. I hope that this sudden zap of inspiration works out. Time for make a purpose for myself and stop looking for one.
I was thinking....
I need to stop worrying about what i might have done, and start focusing on what i must do to accomplish the goals in life.At least i know i did something right, and someone up there loves me cause they blessed me with a wonderful GF. That i am thankful for.Today a friend blew me off, like i said hello on IM and the person was like" yea?"....i felt hurt....maybe i was wrong to nudge, maybe i was wrong for wanting to say hello...but life goes on and although i thought my friend held me in higher esteem , i was obviously wrong, life circles on. I got over it and now know how to administer my friendship...in other words, there will be some cold shoulders soon. Work was hectic today, major projects still to be completed and more just keeps piling on, sometimes i wonder if my employer realizes that i am but one person, i think i work too well. I am still looking to switch jobs and elevate myself but everything has its time, i will succeed ....i am determined to
The Devil is Alive
A woman gets killed in an accident, you remove her cell phone, call her family inform them of the sad news, hang up... call back and demand $200.00 to return her phone...that's the devil alright. I don't understand how some people can sleep at night, worse yet walk during the day amongst other human beings.
Time to move on
My job is just pissing me off more and more each day, its not the tasks at hand, they are many but I'm very capable of handling them. Its my GM she has a pissy attitude towards all the employees..and its not boding well, there is talk of mutiny ..lol.. no serious alot of people just want to leave including myself ...why? Cause the lady just grumpy and it affects staff spirit. She doesn't say good morning, no smiles, no thanks for a job well done, no encouragement, nothing...just grumpiness...and every time i see her she looks greener, pretty soon all she will need is to be shipped off to whoville to take the place of the Grinch. It is very discouraging, this was the exact same reason i left my previous job, because the GM was a case, i love my job, but I'm not going to work in an environment that is affecting me emotionally, making me grouchy and sometimes depressed. I would understand if she was in this mood once in a while because we all have our days, but everyday, makes me want to throw up in rage. Only time will tell if my quest for a new job will succeed ...but in the mean time I'll have to bite the bullet and bear.
Doad
I don't know if i ever mentioned the frog /dog that lurks at the back of my house..I'm sure i have, but if i didn't here's the background. Its a rather large toad who is very aggressive towards me for some reason. Usually at night i would take a stroll in the back yard to look up at the moon and it would just attack me..then i would run off like a scared little girl, because i do get scared...lol... toads or frogs as we tend to call them scare me and this one paralyzes me with fear, I don't know what i ever did to it, but it seems to find pleasure in seeing me make a mad dash to the house. Last night i didn't see him when i went to the back, i was there looking up at the moon, when i heard this bumping sound coming closer and closer. I knew it was him, i didn't stick around to find out, i ran ..like...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...i know I'm a coward...lol..
Creature Feature...End Story
I received many thank yous from my friends that were featured here. Some of them very touched. I just want to say to all of them that i meant every word i wrote. I don't have many friends, in fact sometimes i envy the person that has a trillion friends, but then i realize that its not quantity but quality that really matters, and indeed the quality of my small circle of friends is like pure gold. Creature Feature has come to an end. I'll like to thank my Friends for visiting my simple blog ( of course they would to read what i think about them ..lol) The next step is to think of another feature, something fun...hmmm....*rocks back and forth thinking*
Lord
What on earth is the Country coming to?!! I know we have been steadily going down for sometime now, but to shoot at children at sea....OMG...WTF...that is heartless. I know for a fact that these people, no the monsters who perpetrated this crime will never be caught and as it usually happens with our "Trini" way of thinking, amnesia will hit and this will be forgotten just like the bazillions of other crimes that seemed cruel for one day, and then forgotten the other. We have been desensitized....nothing shocks us now. Does anyone remember innocent Sean Luke? It caused a huge hoopla for a day and now what? What was the punishment dealt out to the monsters that killed him, heartlessly...I hope his soul found peace, and his mom is coping because she will never forget.
Looking Back
I feel a sense of loss tonite, the past month has been so great. I'm looking back and just enjoying the memories that were made. You see my GF were on holidays, we spent alot of time together but tomorrow she ventures back out to work. With her working and myself working the time we get to spend is limited. I guess the only reason i feel sad is because i will miss all the laughter that we shared and the silly stuff we would do. Thinking of it now makes me happy, guess the most important thing is that i hold on to the memories that were made. Tomorrow is another week of pure work. I hope the week files so that the weekend arrives quickly, i love Saturdays when i could sleep in, it makes me so happy, the simplest of joys i try to enjoy, and no its not being lazy, its just my way of treating myself. So here's to a great week ahead, I'm so thankful for the past month October rocked....
Open letter
I cried so what, you know how much you mean to me. I tend to screw things up , i always screw things up, i get the feeling that you don't want me anymore, I don't feel as if I'm good enough. Its always the little things that counts, i tell myself that everyday, so i try to do little things , just to show my appreciation but it never works out right, maybe the world makes everyone see only the big things. I feel like a fool. That's how i feel. A sad , falling into depression fool. This letter may mean nothing, i just need to have words poured out of me. Its 3.34am , up and down we roll. All my fault is how i see it . I'm sorry for my faults. Its a hard thing, love...but i feel it for you. Now what? I dunno what else to write but I'm sorry for my behaviour , i understood alot of things tonite, things that never made sense before....now it does.....i am but a scared child, that's all...
Special
Have you ever felt so special, that you got all warm and fuzzy inside ... that's me today...i honestly have never felt this way. its AWESOME!!!. I got alot of attention from my special someone today and it made me feel so loved that I'm walking on air.....*floats away*
OMG Blue Waters!!!
OMG!!!! Blue waters have a hotter bottle, a cooler new look...with palm tress and sunshine,birds and stuff ...its like super awesome. A better grip too.....i get excited way too fast...lol...
Drama for yuh mama....
I was in class today, sitting like i usually do by the window so when miss bores me i can watch the birds fly by, i observe this middle aged woman standing outside in the corridor , just standing there staring into our classroom, no one else seems to notice her, she's just standing there with an angry look on her face. I follow her gaze and it lands smack dab on my classmate Savi. Savi in the meantime is oblivious to the fact that she has a fan, she's there giggling and laughing with the guy she's seated next to. Now Savi is a young girl 18 i think, then it dawned on me, this might be Savi's mom then all of a sudden the lady walks to the door, tells the teacher she wants to talk to Savi. Savi looks up, the lady shouts "come here girl" then when she is in arms length, badaps she get one lash on her back, and the woman shouts, "that's what you come to class for to giggle and laugh while the teacher is in front". The whole class drops silent , the mom and Savi walks out the classroom with Miss trailing behind. I just felt total embarrassment for her, and her mom.....Miss was out there for like 20 mins talking to the parent, while the class was having their own discussion, most of it beingabout the mom being sooo out of place and wrong, i totally agree. How could a parent be so disrespectful, i know there must be more to the story but still if u wanted to lash her do it home not in front of a class of 24 ppl, grown adults. I dunno why but i was just sooo embarrassed and wanted to bury my head in my bag. She returned to class , took her stuff and left. Miss came in shortly after, and basically said what we were all saying. I just hope Savi returns to class next week, i cannot imagine the embarrassment she must feel.....Hope they work things out.
Embarrassed
Have you ever unintentionally invited yourself to something that you weren't invited for in the first place? Aggghhhuuuhhhh i did that yesterday, i didn't realize what i had done until sometime after...i was sooooooo embarrassed ...I've heard many stories of people inviting themselves to events they were just hearing about, and out of being polite the inviter would just smile and not say anything but inside is wondering WTH no one invited u, but realizing my mistake i backed out at the last minute *wipes sweat off brow* i was saved....now i have to be extra careful not to repeat this again.
Back out to work
Back to work after my very short vacation and nothing has changed literally...everything is exactly the same way i left it on my desk including the instructions to have certain tasks accomplished in my absence , its like my desk was on pause and i pressed play this morning. The same tasks that i left for my co worker to over see now has to be rushed they are a week late , sucks huh, guess i don't have much respect in here, either that or she is way lazy, neways most of it is done just a couple more to do and alot of apologizing to customers...thank god I'm not one of those ppl that would have flipped out, i just took it in stride when i asked and she said she forgot..pfffttt yeah right. I bought some new clothes and i feel like a fresh orange...all positive like... i hope i stick to the changes i made in my mind...o wait i didn't write what changes i decided to take, i'll write about it soon. But so far i feel good like there is a light shining inside me which is way better than the darkness i constantly fight. BTW my vacation was fun, spent alot of time figuring out myself. The only downside is that i wont be able to sleep late, but say what there is always the weekend.
Creature Feature....
Today's Creature Feature is a special one, I've been wanting to big up this person for awhile now so I'll skip the selection shenanigans and just dive right into it. Today's winner is ...drum roll.... Devon Devraj.....crowd applauds loudly...*theme from the movie Om Shanti Om plays in the background*
I have known this guy for what feels like forever, but in reality its been less than 2 yrs, yet we have become really good friends. He was my supporting shoulder when my uncle died , his dad passed away last year so he could have related . He dishes out some great advice and gave me tips on how to cope with all the stress and grief and for that i will forever be thankful.He's fun to chat with and is really an inspiration for me to strive to learn more , he currently pursuing his degree. I'm sorry i don't have a pic to post up but for now that smiley face will do. Easy to talk to and just an all round kool guy. I just wanted to say thanks for being there for me buddy, I'll always remember it and hopefully one day i can return the favor. So everyone on the big WWW this guys is way kool and I'm proud to have met him and most importantly call him FRIEND (who was saying that you can make friends for life on the net?)
My Learners
I decided to go for my learners permit in the Chaguanas Licensing Office, i can honestly say that it was one of the worse (now funny) experiences of my life, thus far. I went on Thursday but forgot one of the important documents home so like a fool i had to turn back, i was so angry at myself for being so dumb and forgetful , i spent the rest of the day wandering and mumbling under my breath of how dumb i was, one of my Holiday days shot to hell. The Friday i journeyed back, got there bright and early was like so happy that i was the 3rd in line, but alas when i got at the front of the counter i was rudely informed that my photograph was too small...rudely meaning the guy saying "papi yuh pic too small" ( makes me wonder if these public servants or him in particular was ever trained as to how to talk to the public) i got angry at the photo studio seeing as i had specifically told them what i needed the pics for Texas Digital Photo Studio you suck, i wish they would better train their staff, they of all people should know the size of the photographs. Anyways so i was on the verge of breaking down, looked behind me and the line was never ending, the guy just shrugged his shoulder and said " take them ova and come back" i did go and retake my pics, got back to the office, joined the line....waiting there ...the clerks taking forever, i counted 25mins per person. I get to the beginning of the line happy that some release will be had, then one of the clerks stand up and says that the counter is now closed, at 11.15am!! and it reopens at 1pm ...their lunch time...I'm at the front of the line and the counter closes i just wanted to screammmmm, but i didn't i calmly walked away, went Marios to get something to eat, my GF called and sorry to say that she may have gotten some of my anger and yet she calmed me down. Told me to go back and try again, as much as i didn't and gave up at that point ( i decided to buy it like every 3rd person does) So far i wasted 4 hours, at the last minute i made the trek back down, a million people were waiting in front the door, somehow i managed to squeeze my way to the front, they didn't open at 1pm it was exactly 1.15pm before the guard opened the door and it was a mad rush. I rushed also, got there and once again was the 3rd in line, silently praying that nothing would be wrong again, standing there for about 1/2 hr before the first person was processed, mind you the counter closes at 2.15pm so I'm there hoping that this guy hurries but to my dismay as he was always doing, laughing with the girl next to him, a supervisor came down and the persons behind the counter got silent, the line started to move, people were being processed in 10 mins it was amazing, i was processed thinking that this was it but noooooo had to wait till 4pm to get back my papers. So i spent an entire day there. I was happy that at least i got this out of the way. I wish the supervisor had come down earlier. To the guy in the black shirt and the big gold chain that was processing everyone i wish you would shut your yap and do your freaking job ( i know he's never going to See this but still..lol.. my way of venting ) I have to think that they are so lucky to open at 8 am close at 11.15am then re open at 1pm and close at 2.15pm...gov't workers can't live with them..that's all....
A single dollar
My wallet is often full o f one dollar bills, for some weird reason. My co worker says I'm stripping on the side, because at any given time you can find 50 there. I bought a card for my GF recently, took out 100 to pay, but the cashier didn't have change, so i finally decided to part with some of my single friends.While counting out 30.00, i came across one dollar, that had alot of words scribbled on it. I pulled it back because like the fass Trini i am, i wanted to know why would one person scribble so much on this dollar bill. I paid for my card, sat in the mall and read this dollar, my heart ached for the person that wrote on it, its 19 year old girl, this is basically what she said:
I'm a 19 year old girl, i was broken out ( lost her virginity) when i was 15 years old
By a man 5 years older than me. I loved him with my everything, but after 2 years i found out he was cheating on me .
Since then i have never been able to stay faithful to one person
God forgive me, you know my heart.
I will never be able to trust anyone again
Isn't it sad, that someone is this tortured, i don't know how long ago this was written it was a pretty old dollar, but i hope this person can heal their heart and their soul and learn to love. Cause i can relate to blocking out love, you miss out alot when you do that, I'm not talking about just bf/gf love, i mean love...family...friends... they all give love and some of us choose to ignore it. Love is often to defined as just between a bf and a gf, but it took me a long time to discover that love can be found in many aplaces.
Dear god,
Please see that this person is healed from inside out..give her strength and wisdom to overcome her scars.
Thanks alot.
Happy Divali
This year Diwali is very quiet, we are not "celebrating" because of the passing of my uncle. The ton of food is still being cooked, but no deeyas will be lit later. Just 9, i think. But i bought a load of fire crackers to buss, the sports and cultural association in my community is holding a Diwali celebration at the corner of my street so I'll be there, just taking in the atmosphere. I'll miss placing the lights out in the yard, but next year by god's grace we will celebrate. For now, today i will take time to pray and reflect on the past year , maybe even make some changes in the positive direction. I hope everyone in TnT have a safe and happy but most importantly holy Diwali. Time to so eat some food. LOL...
Remember...
Remember the first time i looked into your eyes
i got lost
Remember the first time i touched your hand
I felt alive
Remember the first time i kissed your lips
I felt joy
Remember the first time i embraced your body
I felt complete
Remember the first time I said I love you
I meant it
Remember the first time I cried for you
It melted my heart
Remember the first time you touched my soul
I fell in love
9 months ago today, i remember how i found my way to you.... best decision of my life
Venom
How long would someone hold venom in their hearts? This is the question that kept running through my head, my EX gf can't seem to let sleeping dogs lie. Just when i thought she was out of my life, she pops back in like a bat out of hell. Her words actually. She's spreading hate lies about me, people i don't even know hate me because of what she told them. Now i know that this shouldn't have the slightest of effect on me, but it still hurts to know that someone i loved and who claimed to love me, would be this malicious. Its been almost a year since we separated, we just crashed and burned. But for some reason she just wants me dead. I dunno what to do, i hope it doesn't get worse. I just want to move on with my life. I hold no emotion for her, no hate, no anger ...nothing at all. When i look back on the relationship we had all i see is an experience that god put me through to be a better individual, and in more than one sense it made me the person i am now. More understanding, considerate, calm....every good trait that i have today is because of that bad relationship. Maybe that's why she hates me so, i left with good stuff and i feel as if i gained so much from our time together while she's just the same person she was a year ago.I'm not going to let this affect me deeply, but it still hurts ...i guess i will have to be the bigger person and just let it go.
Smooth Saturday
My friend Dave, bought his new car..so I'd like to tell him congratulations, its a really big accomplishment to own a piece of machinery like that...a black uber kool Lancer. Saturday i tagged along to get his alarm installed.It was either that or go with my sister to shop...didn't take much thinking...first he had to buy the alarm, then find the installation place in bamboo, which took a while...i didn't know bamboo had so much traffic, eventually we found it..it would take 3 hours to have it installed,we weren't about to just sit there for that long period of time, so like the crazy people we are, we footed it down to Grand Bazaar, took us 20mins to get there, the sun was way hot and to make matters worse we both had on black. Marching down the highway like crazy people...got to GB, had lunch....the cost of it nearly made me fall off my chair. 99.00 for a 2 plates of food, i just had potato pie and some macaroni salad and he had rice, callaloo, chicken and potato pie...the portions were small also. I was shocked, that was the last time i would be buying from Cafe Caribbean...way too expensive. I didn't pay, but still....lol...we loitered in GB for a while just chilling, then i remember Westport had their 20.00 sale...yeah i cheap...lol.. i got 3 work shirts cant go wrong with that. Then we trotted back to bamboo in the blistering sun to get the car, i was never so grateful for AC in my life. What next we thought, i dunno how we ended up in Pricesmart in Chag. but it was my first time... the place is huge, you can get anything there, i bought a cake ...lol.. was just checking out the place, o and i bought a car kit for him , just to say congrats. I really think he appreciated it. We spent the entire day together .....and i feel closer to my buddy cause the drives to and fro we discussed alot of stuff. It was a great day.I have to take a pic of the car to post it. And i even got to drive it a bit.Woohooo......
Tobago Work
I was shipped off to Tobago for three days for "joyous" non stop work. My job seems to take me to Tobago alot, i honestly don't mind cause i enjoy what i do, and now i can say that i know some of Tobago. It was a productive 3 days away from home, but alas it was so lonely being there, mind you i wasn't by myself i had 3 other co workers with me, maybe twice my age and they all seem to be caught up in "hanging out" with each other so most of the evenings i was left out of the conversations, or the little excursions they took. I was indeed alone. Wasn't an unfamiliar feeling. For all three evenings i would wonder the stretch of road by myself to get something to eat, or go in the pool and relax, floating around looking up at the evening sky...just letting thoughts enter my mind..it ranged from me being a merman to what I'm doing with my life, I wasn't concentrating on anything in particular. I missed my gf , for some reason my Bmobile phone was giving trouble, but then again when is Bmoblie not giving trouble? She got angry that i wasn't even calling to say i was OK, or what was going on....even to go as far as thinking i ran off to Tobago with some other girl. When she admitted that, i felt really hurt, i guess her trust in me is somehow wavering ..maybe its something i have been doing. In any case we worked out the "disagreement" and i still don't think she fully believed that my phone was indeed giving trouble. The last morning, i took a walk to the beach to clear my mind. I had a great time there, the morning air so cool against my skin, the beach was deserted , so it was just me and my thoughts ...the way i like . I came to the realization that even though things may look glum , and i feel like i cant go on, i need to find the inner strength to rise up. I cant afford to fall down anymore.
Creature Feature ....is back
Creature feature has, like me been absent from the blog, but its back and guess what i have a slew of new names...woohoooo...so since today is the welcome back episode , the names will be tossed in the air and the first one to hit the floor wins* names are tossed in air* wind picks up* pieces of paper fly all across the yard*running , jumping over the neighbor's wall* lands in mud*gets one piece stuck to hand*unwraps paper* and the winner is .....drumroll.....waits to enhance the anticipation....Rainier Seenath...*crowds cheers, screams shouts rainy bear, rainy bear.....the theme song from James bond plays in the background......
I have known this dude for as long as i had my Internet, he was my very first online friend, taught me about all the freaks lurking in cyberspace and how to avoid them. He's real cool to lime with cause the dude knows how to party. One thing i can honestly say is that he's got my back, no matter what and even though I'm the older one he treats me like his little bro, which is kool. Always have a good word to say, and never at a loss for words...coined the name Rainy bear which seemed to have stuck with all the chicks, a down to earth person who never seems to let the negative words of anyone break his stride.One word he's awesome and I'm glad that after all these years, and yup i said years he's still my really good friend and partner in crime. So Rainier i just wanna let the www know u r da bomb.... u belong in a dustbin in POS....hahhaha i kid, you're awesome don't change for anyone.*big thumbs up*
Change
I have been having these really weird dreams lately, stuff like dreaming of Bugs Bunny or being chased by Cruella De Ville, this morning i dreamt that i had to reach to work for 6am and i got up 5.45...i have no idea what it all means, but it sure confuses me when i crawl out of bed. Today i decided to take charge of my life and steer it in the direction i want it to go. I made a schedule and everything, cause when i come home from work i tend to just waste my time online when i could actually get some other stuff done.The project is to see how long i can follow this for, and hopefully i have the willpower to really make a change in my life and make it a better one, only time will tell.
Finally
This morning was by far the best i had in a long time, the rain, glorious rain finally fell in the wee hours of Sunday and carried on for most of the day... kept me sleeping till about 11. For the first time in a long time i felt so complete , in my warm bed, under my covers ...rain hitting hard the tin roof drowning out all other sounds. I was in heaven. My gf actually woke me up with a text, saying she hopes I'm enjoying the weather and wished she was there to cuddle with me. What a way to start a brand new week. This week I'm going on vacation, so four short days of work and then I'm off for 10 days...*sigh* i cant wait....
I think i'm a witch...err...warlock
Not kidding, when the accountant pissed me off i sat at my desk and was chanting an old rhyme i used to say as a kid when i played marble pitch and didn't want my cousin to get more out of the pot ( the ring in which the marble is in) this is how it went "gin-gay gin-gay puss ca lin-gay" i know its weird and honestly i don't even know where i got it from, but it worked every time....so there i am at my desk chanting that, aiming it in the direction of the assistant accountant, waving my arms around in my most mystical manner ...my co worker sees and wonders what the hell I'm doing, i just casually say sending some bad vibes *insert name here* way. She laughs it off and tells me not to take her on , she's old. About ten minutes later i am upstairs and boom the Secretary and the A.A falls out over something the A.A said, i swear to god that fight would have broken out, in my mind a huge fight sequence was playing out-- the accountant throwing calculators, flipping on the desk running against the wall, the Secretary flipping back throwing paperclips, penciling a whoop ass in her daily planner for the A.A...hahah..my mind is so warped, but it was an intense exchange of words...really intense , words like fool, dotish, chupid, were used. The A. A was definitely shut up, i know this may sound really vile but i smiled to myself and thought wow i didn't have to fall out with her, the Secretary gave her a verbal beat down. I told you my bad vibes worked. I wish i could go into the details of the disagreement but the A.A was really wrong, and its way too long to write. I got payback and i didn't even have to dirty my hands.Wooohooooo.
aaauuughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The assistant accountant here, has a problem with everyone and its pissing me to hell off!! She has crossed the ripe old age of 60 but for some reason or the other refuses to retire, yet every other day she comes in and complains about the job, or the workers ( me included) blantanly stating that she can at any time pick up her bag and walk out cause she doesn't need this job, well for fucks sake do that please and get the hell out of my hair...I'm angry ...yup i am and i know that before this year is finished i will have a serious "fall out" with her. This morning i walk into work all jolly, cause i'm trying to be a happier person, encounter her and now I'm angry. She says stuff behind other peoples back, some crap about me not doing my job properly...ummm... if you have a problem please come talk to me about it face to face, i am not a stubborn person and i rather enjoy being corrected it only makes me learn more, but the sad thing is I'm following her instructions and now she contradicting what she said......lord this sounds like a bad episode of Westwood Park...lol.. i feel better now, i no longer want to push her down the stairs, i however am still up to put salt in her coffee...yea...*evil grin* ...its going to be one hell of a long day.
Frustration in my nation
Work is frustrating the hell out of me, i try my best to be calm but its like the more i get done the more the GM gives me to do, and with such an attitude...i am currently doing the job of 4 people and getting the salary of one which sucks. I need to get a better paying job, right now I'm struggling to make ends meet, i can't even take my gf out to the movies or anything, after all the bills and buying food, my pockets are bare, but i still try to back squeeze something to at least get her something like a card and ice cream, i know it sounds horrible ...but luckily i have an understanding gf, thankfully actually. I'm trying my best to leave my frustrating about work in work and not drag them home with me , and somehow its working..I'm no longer grumpy home..haahah. that's a huge deal for me.
Salt and Pepper...
My employer bought tickets for all his employees to attend the Fatima annual Salt and Pepper, where past students cook and serve patrons all for a good cause. I was very skeptic , i thought to myself that this is gonna suck, there will be crappy food, crappy music and lots of old people reminiscing on their old days at school...i dressed to impress cause if i was going to be bored might as well look good doing it. The place was packed with people, and i was pleasantly surprised at the mix in the crowd, the smell of food wafted through the air making my mouth water, they gave us chits at the door 4 meat chits, one wine and one desert... the rice, macaroni salad and green salad was free. This was the procedure, grab a plate get your free stuff, then walk around to all the different booths and choose your meat dish, you will have to give up a chit of course, the great thing was there were boxes available so you could have gotten 4 different boxes filled with separate complete meals....awesome...the wine sucked but the bar was like freeeeeeee....haahahha..i sound like a alcoholic, but i had like 6 screwdrivers , a coke, LLB, some juice, i got high, i was giggling , and clapping cause they had karaoke, and kill me dead i wanted to go on that stage so bad and sing..hahaa... the deserts were great too, they had so much that i got 2- black forest cake and cheese cake , and u got a free ice cream....the whole event was well organised and layed out. I had a great time, got home "high" and the funniest thing happened, i had a can of coke in my hand , if fell and got 2 small punctures causing it to spray coke on me, like a slight drizzle, so there i am can in hand getting sprayed with coke wondering where the hell this rain coming frm...hahahha... i stood there wondering for like 10 mins and only the next morning i figured it out wen i found the coke sealed and half empty in the sink. I know technically nothing was free cause the tickets were 250.00 but u didn't have to give up a chit for the drinks , or the other stuff so in my mind its was freeeeeeee.....I'm such a typical Trini, freeenesss
Faith....
Sometimes things happen in such an order, i just step back and wonder ..this is so faith. Saturday was one of those days, taking my cousin Chaguanas to get a shirt moved from just grabbing that and lunch to a whole day lime....first we bounced up 2 of my cousins who were there shopping for earrings, they couldn't hang with us, but they in turn bounced up another 2 cousins and told them we were there, then they called us and we all gathered together in Center City Mall where i happened across one of my school friends Kris, so the 5 of us all went Joesphs to hang out and play pool...can u imagine if one slight move was made different none of the pool playing and laughing would have happened. Thats what you call faith, my saturday went from ok to da bomb..omg do ppl even say that anymore...lol....
Features
Features on my blog have all but disappeared, but i wanna get back on track as soon as i can, I'm working on a new time management schedule and i hope to include at least half hour dedicated to updating my blog and getting my thoughts out, kinda like draining my head out on paper..hmmm that process may take like an hour, I'll make it an hour ..sometimes i wonder if time has sped up and we haven't noticed, the days are flying by and pretty soon another year would have passed ....a whole year of being on blogger i never thought i would have made it this far, I'm proud :)
I've been hanging around this town...
Sometimes the lyrics in songs hit me so hard that i fall over on my bed and just lie there soaking it all in, Hanging around by counting crows makes me think that my life is in a stalemate, nothing seems to be going on ...no movement forward whatsoever, I'm stuck in a rut...why i ask myself, its cause i've been blocking out mental stimulation and just focusing on the ordinary which is bleh, time to get something to put the kabam back into my life. Today i came across Shakira's Album Oral Fixation vol2 , and i got to say it brought back so many memories, the time this album was release i was going thorough a really rough patch in my life and the songs got me through it, well sometimes it would get me more depressed...but it all worked out in the end, so this afternoon I've been spinning it on Meidamonkey, i especially like the song "your embrace" and "dreams for plans" , esp. the last one, check the lyrics out....really makes me wonder about where my life is really going, and how much i miss lying on the grass and looking up at the sky, wasting my days away dreaming ...gosh i miss those days....
Wolverine and the X-men
When i first heard of this new x men cartoon, i was a bit skeptic, mind you i am a huge X-men fanatic...and there is no way in hell i would like to see Wolverine lead the X-Men, i took a wait and see approach , who knows it may not be bad afterall it's the X-men, so over the weekend i finally found a link leading to the first 4 episodes of the series, and shut my mouth , the cartoon is AWESOME....its not entirely focussed on Wolvie as i had first thought, everyone so far gets a fair amount of air time and the storyline is so far very intriging...i saw many mutants i thought would never make it to animation, but there they are using mutant powers and me with my jaw dropped to the floor, now i am extremly excited to see the rest of the series, my only peeve is Storm, how on earth can they butcher her beauty, what the hell is up with her puffy hair...its doesnt work for me..lol.. i wanna see the sexy storm i know..lol.. but the drawing scheme of the entire series is really goemetric , but i guess thats a small price to pay, hell they have a new X-men seires i am jumping for joy, i soo excited right now i could pee...the best part is i sent the links to my Gf and she went crazy for it also, isnt it great to have someone who loves X-men almost as much as i do...Wolverine and the X-men debuts next year on Nicktoons, o BTW rouge has turned evil...hell yea....
You think its hot, by me its hotttteeerrrr
These days are so hot, beyond warm, the sun is scorching. I'm not fortunate enough to have an AC room, the closest thing i have to that is to stand in front the fan, rub some ice on my face and say ahhhhh. I have never remembered the weather being so hot in my life, it was always bearable, but for the past couple days OMG i can't do anything but stand around the fan, sometimes i get so restless that i walk aimlessly around the house, prompting my mom to ask me what I'm looking for. I wish it would rain and cool the place, the grass looks brown everything is dying ..well grass wise that is. I'm thinking about investing in an AC, but the cost of electricity will probably have me screaming in terror, in the mean time my intention is to loiter in the mall, or in the car with the AC up all the way, or go to the river whenever i can...if i can't do any of the above, i have good old ice and the fan.
Wrong use of email....
Recently I've been getting alot of hate mail..well not directed to me personally, its directed at other people but somehow a contact would forward it to me, and i would shake my head in disgust, and sometimes amusement, but at the end of it i have this lingering feeling that emails shouldn't be used like this.Take for instance, one i received the other day, about some guy living his life as a woman down south , his name is Joell and attached is a pic of him smiling with a drink in his/her hand but under the pic is captioned "disgusting" i mean whats the point , if the guy wants to live like a lady, he has all right to do so, why would someone take upon themselves to send an email around the world exposing his secret...sad i say, and then people think its amusing to forward it to everyone on their list...i know that one stopped ..i didn't forward it...there were others, pics of people having sex, then under the attachments there would be the person's full name, where they're working and sometimes even a work contact number, i think that this goes to show how much hate is filled in the world, and of course one of the many dangers of using email...seems that spreading gossip has gone high tech, i know i'm late to realize this, but i never actually experienced emails like that being sent to my inbox, guess its popularity is growing, but as this trend grows the fibers of our morality is shrinking , i for one have taken the stance not to let the cycle of hate go on the email stops at my inbox, it doesn't travel further than there, but how many other people are out there forwarding away, dunno if it will make a difference though, but its my little part. Its all funny and amusing, until you see your own pic up there.....
Dreams
Last night i had a weird dream, i dreamt that a plane landed in the middle of the road, a huge plane like the commercial ones. The door opened, some stairs were lowered then out of the aircraft people i knew came out...like people i haven't thought about in a million years..my std1 teacher, my best friend from primary school, my neighbor that moved abroad years ago, a girl i was head over heels for in form one, some guy i used to hang out with in Computer classes...each one of them passed me and said hello, i simply nodded and smiled....i was filled with a feeling a sadness cause as they passed me they entered the neighbors yard and vanished....i sat on the road puzzled and feeling blue..then out of the plane descending the stairs was my uncle, i stood up , ran and hugged him...i was so happy....but then the person who looked exactly like my uncle told me he's not my uncle and i have him mixed up with someone else....i started to cry, and all i could mutter was you look just like him sorry, he then walked into the neighbors yard and vanished. I woke up filled with sadness. It was a sad day today, it weird how dreams can affect me so profoundly.
Work, work , work...
Work was a bitch today we had stock taking...it was a full day of counting, worse of all the person in charge of entering data into our system quit and guess who was called upon to take over..yup me, so i had twice the work load than that of my co workers, it sucked but i did it-- cause well i didn't have a choice, my GM was in a serious PMS mood , that was not helping the situation at all, i was so tired that i skipped Math class and came straight home....but I'm glad its over for today, the bad part is that i have to relive it tomorrow-- cause yes, we have 2 days of stock taking..bleh.... *yawns* i should be in bed right now, i promised my gf i would get some sleep, but for some reason i am racked with guilt that i neglected my blog for so long and i miss writing all my crap here...lol...i better be off to bed now, hope tomorrow is a better one....now i'm thinking about breakfast...and yummy orange juice....*makes the homer Simpson aaauuuhhhhhuuhhh* dribbles* orange juice.....
The weekend i realized...
This weekend i realized that for some reason insects really like me, i dunno if its the Cologne i wear or the gel i use to style my hair..whatever the scent they seem to seek me out in crowds and embarrass me.OMG maybe they have an "embarrass icewolf club" , they get together once a week and discuss new ways to make me look crazy. Saturday i went to the grocery, this huge dragon fly decided to leave the millions of people in Xtra foods and land on my head....unknown to me cause of the hat i had on, so there i am wondering the crowded aisles, when all of a sudden this child screams and runs away from me, i was like wahhhhh ...i felt like a pervert of something, everyone was watching, then my sister finds me and says really loudly there a "batteymanzell" ( i dunno how to spell it) on my head and proceeds to hit it off with nothing other than a large box of corn flakes that she was carrying...ummmm...does this sort of thing happen to anyone else? The dragonfly flies off seemingly annoyed that his ride around the supermarket was gone, i however was so much embarrassed, that i hid in the detergent aisle till they were ready.
Its Thursday!!?
OMG today was like the most stressful day ever , well not ever , but in a long time. Came home with the biggest headache...sometimes i wonder if my job is worth doing all the stuff i do but at the end of it all, i love it. My gf helped me alot today, i came home all stressed and tired, she called me , we started talking and then i realized , hey the day wasn't that bad after all, i had a pretty good one. Its weird how she makes me realize the good things in life. I'm no longer scared of things going well , i think i deserve the good things...it time for me to let go of past experiences and embrace my great destiny...my new outlook: to live each day as positively as possible...to show the people who really matter that i care, to be a better human being....
Denial...
We in this country live in denial...we don't have a crime problem , but the murder rate is close to 400....we don't have a dengue breakout, but the number of confirmed cases have crossed 160, there is no inflation problem, but the price of everything has tripled, no problems in the hospital yet people are so scared to get sick, they know when they check in they may never check out.Ours is a perfect paradise where no one suffers, no one is unemployed, no one is robbed or murdered, everyone lives in perfect harmony....this is the bull that the gov't spews out at us and we digest it, why? I have no idea....
The budget....
OMG the budget presented by the Minister of Finance sucked major ass. How can a country with so much wealth have so many dumb people? The gov't thinks by raising gas and putting the car out of the reach of average citizens will help ease traffic congestion..ummm... so its back to the days where the masser whips the slave...in fact the rich is going to be a whole lot richer and the poor man will have nothing but his dreams to hold on to. It disgusts me. All that money and yet the basic necessities of the average person is out of reach...food , health, education...all of it so crummy..none of these ministers know the joy of living paycheck to paycheck, having nothing to save for a rainy day because nothing is left, or the joy of trampling over your fellow man to get into a maxi to take you home before the sunsets, because god help you if it gets dark and you are out there waiting, there is a 80% chance that someone will come up and rob you. Its so weird, that no one is saying enough is enough, we all will complain for a few days, then pray for like 2 days then we are back to normal...grumbling about it under our breath. I for one, no longer intend to spend my money unless absolutely necessary. Everything will rise in prices because of the hike in gas, even though the minister said that transportation vehicles won't be affected, but yuh lie woman, they will be affected and the trickle down effect will inevitably kill the poor man. While the whole world is experiencing some sort of crisis or the other our gov't is weaving our downfall, thread by thread...and we will take it cause we like it so...the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket and we are skipping merrily along with them.
Posting
I have not gotten back into the full groove of writing, in fact sometimes i just don't have the zeal to place my nonsensical words here anymore. I duuno ever since i lost my uncle , things are very different. It is affecting me in ways that i never thought it would. But life goes on, and after all if i keep the memories of him alive in my heart, he will never actually be gone now would he? I will try to get back into the flow of things, getting my emotions out on my blog so that the negative energy can be released and not adversely affect my life.I went Tobago today on a business trip, it was a wonderful experience and I'll have to write about it, but right now i am so high, like literally...i feel like i drank a ton of vodka...the gravol and lomotil i took , i think they are reacting with each other and making me feel like this. I hope it wears off soon, and nothing else happens. I realized today, while i was lying on the grass in Fort George, looking up at the trees, that I'm grateful to be alive. Yup so simple a thought, and yet it has profoundly affected me, the only scary thing is...now that I'm grateful to be alive will the universe see it fit to take it away from me, as it usually does with my happiness...only time will tell. I am making a genuine effort to be a better person, and surprising myself , like this afternoon when my other half called me, i came off a bit short tempered, for some reason ( i was hungry lol) ... i gave myself the "if that was me" talk, i called her back, apologized and we talked till i felt the weirdness disappear, told her how much i love her( yup i said love)....I missed my blog, and now that blogger changed its format, i feel as if I'm discovering an old friend all over again, which is great.
Easy does it
I "skipped" class today , well class skipped me, the teacher wasn't able to attend...i journeyed on my way home hoping that i would get the opportunity to spend some much needed quality time with my gf, and its like the universe was listening ...i did get to spend the majority of the evening with her.Cuddling and making out is the best part, but just having her there next to me...i feel complete and totally relaxed. She looked so happy , her face was lit up, smiling, giggling...i stopped for a minute , looked her in the eyes and asked...what are you so happy about?....she then said something that i hope and probably will remember for a long time...it because of you...because of me she's happy * jumps around* , because she missed me and got to see me today, because she's loves me, because i look happy....if i ever had a perfect moment in my life that would be one of it...i am so in love with this girl its scares me, i don't want to lose her or do something stupid to push her away like i always seem to do when people are getting close...therefore i decided to take it easy, one day at a time, just to simmer in the emotions that I'm feeling and to try and show her ,she means more to me than chocolate...and thats a big thing....lol....
I was attacked....well almost
This little fellow somehow got into the yard , made a dash to my bedroom door, i screamed my lungs out cause i knew if it found itself all the way in my room, i would panic, it would panic then we would both run crazy all over the place and somehow it would have ended up on my face gauging out my eye or something....so when i screamed ( a manly scream btw) it got scared and ran for its life, and i tell you, the bloody thing can run fast, it just bounded away and up the neighbor's wall and poof- it disappeared....i was smart enough to grab my camera and take a couple shots so people would believe me .